Kilimanjaro re-post: Summary

Summary

The night of the first day of the hike, I wrote in my journal to answer a question many have asked ever since I decided to hike Mount Kilimanjaro. 

WHY?

Why did you do it? What made you decide that this was something you wanted to do? What person in their right mind would want to hike this mountain? My answer (slightly edited) is below:

This hike is so much more than a hike to me. It is symbolic of a lot of things in my life. Dad and I decided to go at a time when life had flipped upside down and I felt lost, insecure and vulnerable. I needed to prove to myself that I CAN DO HARD THINGS. I can conquer discouragement and despair, that with my Heavenly Father with me and with access to the Atonement, I can do all that is required of me. This mountain is going to be difficult but it is going to take me higher—literally—than I’ve ever been while breathing with my own lungs and walking with my own feet. Its going to push and challenge me—both physically and mentally—more than I’ve ever been pushed or challenged. The scriptures talk continually of “the mountain of the Lord” and about how those closest to God would often seek him after ascending up a high mount. In these conversations on top of the mountain, these individuals would receive revelation, guidance, peace and direction. In my life right now I feel a great need for all of those things. Grandpa Jones gave Dad a blessing the night before we left and said that we both need this to be a SOUL SATISFYING experience. I want this to be an outward demonstration of an inward mentality that I CAN DO HARD THINGS. Climbing Mount Kilimanjaro is hard. There are other things about my life that are hard right now. But all are doable and conquerable with help from above. Both will be overcome. Kilimanjaro represents a lot of things I want to conquer and get over. Doubt about the Lord’s promises, insecurity regarding my future, and more than anything else the mountain is a tangible example of FEAR. This is an adventure that is designed to increase faith. I think of the times in my life when I grow and develop the most- the times when my testimony is strengthened and solidified. Without exception, this happens in times of trial. I gain faith when I’m inclined, or sometimes forced, to use it. Part of my reasoning for wanting to climb this mountain is because I know it will be hard. Because I know I can’t do it by myself. Because I know that putting myself in a physically and mentally vulnerable position will yield spiritual results.  These doubts, these fears and these insecurities all need to be overcome in order for me to see clearly and develop the strength necessary to move on And so, I climb higher for more perspective and light... to be closer to deity… to sweat and cry and then to triumph. THAT is why I climb.

Looking back, that is very much what this trip was for me. I had a lot of time to think as I hiked the trails of Kilimanjaro. I had experiences on the trail that showed quite obviously that by myself I wasn’t enough, but with the help of a loving Heavenly Father who makes our interests his and our thoughts and feelings priority, it was doable. One of the most poignant examples that I have of this relates to clouds and perspective. 

Going up the trail was great at first. Ignorance truly was bliss on that first day. I had no idea how cold it was going to get or how hard it was going to be. I could only see the trail in front of me and it didn’t look too difficult. There were huge trees blocking my view of anything else so all I could comprehend was what was in front of me. I loved the surroundings, I loved where I was, I loved how I felt. As the trail got steeper and more difficult, I began to question the trail slightly. Why do we need to go this way? Wouldn’t it be easier that way? Why can’t we just stop here? Why can’t they make this part easier? Looking up was frustrating because I still could only see part of the trail and the clouds covered the top of the mountain so I couldn’t really gauge how far we had left to go. But after a good deal of work, after choosing to trust those around me and more importantly to trust the calming feelings inside that prompted faith and peace, I was able to experience something wonderful. We rose above the clouds. It was tough work getting there, especially since the air is thin and the trail is difficult, but I could look out and see a new perspective entirely above the clouds. I could see the trail and it made sense. It is difficult to argue with the trail when you’re looking at it from the top. I could see why we’d been led in one direction and not another. I saw reason behind decisions that had been made. I could see the top and where I was going and I could see where I had come from. I didn’t have anything obstructing my view.

Sometimes I get a little blinded by the trail in front of me. I take little thought for what lies ahead and am content to stay how I am. But the only way to progress and get higher is for the trail to get steeper. Most of the time I don’t understand they whys and hows associated with the path I’m currently taking, but I can trust that it is taking me to where I need to be. And I also believe that perspective is something you earn through hard work, whether it be physically, emotionally or spiritually. I had to earn that view above the clouds just like I need to work to maintain an eternal perspective. It is much harder to argue with the trail from the top of the mountain just as it is difficult to argue with the way your life has gone once you turn around and see the sense of where you’ve come from. If you had asked me five years ago where I thought I’d be in five years and what I thought I’d be doing, I can guarantee that I would’ve described a life very different than the one I’m living. But since when am I an expert at the way a life should go? With my limited perspective and narrow vision, I am in no place to make judgment calls. I can leave that to a Guide with more experience, perfection, and better eyesight. In the meantime, I should continue to work hard to gain spiritual altitude.

I will continue to fight to get to the top, for I know what resides there and I know what kind of life awaits me there. Climbing Mount Kilimanjaro taught me this. Climbing Mount Kilimanjaro helped me get over some things that I've been struggling with for months. Climbing Mount Kilimanjaro helped me realize that I CAN do hard things. Climbing Mount Kilimanjaro gave me a stronger relationship with my Father... both my earthly and my Heavenly Father. Climbing Mount Kilimanjaro taught me so much that I'm still discovering things I've learned.

Climbing Mount Kilimanjaro was amazing.