Dear married guy on campus that just talked to me for 20 minutes,

Wear. Your. Wedding. Ring.

I mean it.

Platonic love,

Lizzie

P.S. I'd also recommend you don't talk to me for that long and then at the very end of our conversation mention you're going to meet your wife for lunch. STOP THAT.

"I'm looking for the goddess. Are you the goddess? Who is the goddess? The goddess is the woman, is a woman, is any woman, is all women..."

This needs no introduction.



All of you married people better be grateful because it is a scary scary single world out there...

March Angerness

There is a reason they call it March MADness.

So much anger, Kansas. Kentucky. BYU. All of you. So much anger.

Reap.

Sitting at work. It is getting late. I am getting tired.

Proof:

Preparing for a training I'm giving on Wednesday on the importance of baptism. Have been reading the word "reap" over and over in this email from a teacher talking about his baptism and kept wondering in this little tired head of mine "What the heck is re-ap? Is that like re-apply or something? Is that a typo? Did he mean 'read'? 'Rear'? What is this madness?"

It says reap, Lizzie. REEEEP. Go home.

Rapist hair.

For the record, I hate mustaches. I think they are creepy gross and remind me of ickiness. Yes, all kinds. They are all creepy. No exceptions.  None. Molly and I lovingly referred to most facial hair as "rapist hair" due to a severe dislike. I tell all of you this, my blogfriends, because if ever the man I am dating approaches you in whatever setting you must must must tell him that 1) Lizzie doesn't like little hairs on your face so get them off of there or she probably won't kiss you. Howbut, I do think this commercial is funny funny FUNNY.



I also think that the Italian word for mustache is hilarious. Baffi. That is just funny stuff.

Day 29- A goal

Let's learn.

19,334 feet.

That's almost 4 miles.

That's nearly 2,000 stories.

That's 3,649 times taller than I am.

That's 15.5 Empire State Buildings stacked one on top of the other. 

That's over 7 times the height of highest building in the world: Burj Khalifa, a skyscraper in Dubai.

That's how high the highest point in Africa is.

That's how high the world's highest free-standing mountain is.  

That's how high Mount Kilimanjaro is.

Have you noticed the photo at the top of this blog?

Do you know what that is a photo of?

Do you see the title of this post?

Are you putting it all together?

19,334 feet. That is a long way.

And yes, my dear friends. That is how high I, Lizzie Jones, will be come September. 

At the base lies a great African rain forest. And look, there are also giraffes. At the top are huge icy glaciers and me. Or at least there will be me. Towards the end of August, my adventurous dad and I are flying to Tanzania and going to the base of this mountain. Then we're going to begin a 7 day trek that will wind around the mountain. We'll take our time as our bodies adjust to the extremely high altitude and eventually get up to the top of Uhuru peak. 19,334 feet.

So there you go. That is my current and possibly most physically and mentally challenging goal to date.

19,334 feet. 

WOOHOOOO!

Day 28 - A dream

Ever since I was little I have had a dream to either do this or have this done to me. Either would be incredibly satisfactory. Just the squishing sound alone would make it worth it. No idea why I find this so appealing. I don't even like pie. Nope, not one bit. I can tolerate a french silk if I must but pie in any form is not a favorite.


Speaking of pie, another dream would be to see the show Pushing Daisies come back on the air for at least 3 more seasons. The fact that it got canceled is maddening and ridiculous.




Speaking of Pushing Daisies, I dream of someday owning a wardrobe like Chuck. I covet her dresses and hair styles and make-up and just about everything about her. She is lovely and classy and British.




Speaking of British, another dream is to go back to England with someone I love and walk around London's parks holding hands and eating cornish pasties and go to shows.


Speaking of Broadway shows, I dream of going to New York City (never been there) to see an official Broadway show... probably Lion King or Les Mis or something awesome like that.



Speaking of New York, I dream of participating in a Flash Mob (as mentioned yesterday) or joining up with Improv Everywhere to do something like this "Look Up More" mission they filmed in Manhattan.



Those are some of my dreams.

Day 27 - A hope

Fact: hope is my all-time favorite word. Serious.


Hope represents something much more deep and profound in my mind than a wish or possibility or crossing-your-fingers type of definition the world has given it. It mean assurance. It means security. It means certainty. It means confidence. It means trust. I can't quite explain why, but hope looks like this:

And (in my mind at least hope is also represented like this:

Ohhhh, I know you're wondering what on earth a lego man and hope have to do with one another. (Note: the fact that this lego man is also Robin Hood is purely coincidental) I have a really good story that goes along with the picture of a lego man but that is a story for a different day and different musing. Don't worry, we'll get to it. For now, these are some things that I hope.

I hope I have kids as cute as this little guy.



I hope Kathy doesn't make fish-kissing a habit.



I hope I will soon go to the Harry Potter Theme Park in Orlando. I hope that a lot.

I hope so so much that someday I get to see a Flash Mob dance in person... or better yet I hope to participate in a Flash Mob dance.




I hope you don't think it is really weird that sometimes I tear up watching Flash Mob Dances... I just pretty much think they are so cool that sometimes I get a little overwhelmed with the awesomeness...

I hope I get to someday meet Lorraine Peterson:

I hope someday I learn to play the fiddle while wearing a royal blue velour pants suit and throwing my hair about. No I am not kidding about that hope. 


I hope this sign is just kidding.

 Those are some things that I hope today.

For my Mom.

Because you love these soooooo much.

BYU is hilarious.

Day 26- a recipe

Recipe is a really hard word for me to spell, mostly because I look at it and think it is just kidding.

But anyway, Em Johnson that lives in New York asked me a while back for the recipe for the chicken broccoli casserole from this post and I figured that I should let her have it because she just found out she's having triplets and all. (Go ahead, take a moment and let your jaws drop and talk amongst yourselves about how awesome she is... oh, and she already has a two year old... yeah, she's basically the coolest person you've heard of... so maybe you should send her money and chocolates and prayers...) So Emily, this is for you.


Chicken and Broccoli Casserole

I'm not great at measuring but I am great at tasting so these are my estimates. I cook like an Italian.

4 boneless chicken breasts, cooked and cubed
1 large package broccoli, steamed
1 large family size can cream of chicken soup
1/2 cup mayo (I'd go low fat- still tastes good)
1/3 cup evaporated milk (again, low fat still tastes good)
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
lemon juice to taste
curry (I like a lot, you might not)
bread crumbs or crushed ritz crackers

Cover the bottom of a casserole dish with cooked chicken and broccoli. Set aside. Combine soup, mayo, evaporated milk, lemon juice, and curry. Taste that. Add the cheese. Taste it again. Add other things that you think will make it taste better (although it'll taste pretty good just like that) and taste again. Cover the chicken and broccoli with sauce mixture. Taste.Cover that with bread crumbs/ crackers. Taste twice. Bake at 375 for 35-45 minutes or until golden brown on top. Taste it, but not until it is cool. Serve with rice. Taste continually until gone. Die happy.

Other recipes I like:

• Take a hot dog bun. Put ketchup on it. Eat it. Do not under any circumstances put a hot dog in said bun. 

• Take bread. Toast bread. Add butter. Then cinnamon sugar. Eat quickly before anyone asks for a bite. 

• Maybe open up a box of chocolate cake mix and get a spoon and maybe just eat some of it just like that. Yep, just the mix. Do it. 

• Open a package of graham crackers. Leave out overnight in a humid climate. Eat them when they are kind of soft. Love your life.

• Get bananas while they are still greenish. Eat them. Quick quick before they get too yelloooooow!

• Drink skim milk. Drink more skim milk. Drink more and more skim milk. Drink more skim milk than all of your roommates combined. Go buy more skim milk. Repeat.

• Get some Martinellis sparkling cider. Put it in the freezer until little snowflake looking things appear inside. Wait ten more minutes then take it out and drink it slushy. Don't leave the bottle in there too long or it will explode and your roommates will get annoyed. If you are in your freshman year and you have already exploded about a dozen Martinellis bottles, your roommates will never let you forget it so be careful. 

• Make a cheesecake. Give it away because cheesecake is gross. Be happy because you did a good deed and didn't consume any calories.

• Make cookie dough. Eat cookie dough. The end.

Anyway, yeah. Good stuff. Back to what I was talking about before food: babies.  Erica just had adorable twin girls. Emily is having triplets. Both already have toddlers. They are amazing. Old roommates Jessi and Jenna are pregnant too. So is Meggan. I'm so excited for all of you. Lets go eat food in celebration. Break!

Day 25 - Your day, in great detail

1. woke up at 5 to go to Spin class with Christan.
2. checked my email
3. got my trash continually kicked for an hour at the gym
4. wished I could go back to bed.
5. carnation instant breakfast (dark chocolate, mmmm)
6. checked my email
7. showered
8. turned on "This American Life" podcast- started drying my hair
9. checked my email
10. left for work
11. got to work
12. checked my email
13. walked back into my apartment because I forgot my cellphone
14. got back to work, meetings meetings meetings
15. more email checking
16. made a huge to-do list
17. had to tell someone that works for me that he can't keep working for me after April
18. email
19. longed to take a nap under my desk
20. told a teacher who wasn't sure if he was going to still have a job that he had a job, he was happy
21. took a breath
22. email
23. found other MTC jobs for 3 of my favorite teachers that I couldn't keep on my team
24. back to work, meetings meetings more meetings
25. wished I was in Italy
26. German stress
27. email
28. a little more stress
29. ran around a little bit
30. interviewed someone
31. interviewed someone else
32. decided not to hire either of them right now
33. checked on missionaries
34. wrote a tough email
35. read a tough email
36. thought about England
37. talked about March Madness
38. fixed my hair
39. talked in a southern accent for a while
40. ate an apple and string cheese for lunch at about 4 PM
41. wished I spoke German... or Portuguese...
42. meetings meetings meetings meetings
43. emails emails emails emails emails
44. read a funny text message
45. watched 3 YouTube videos about flash mobs
46. meetings meetings meetings
47. went to the bathroom and found a white hair in my head
48. checked email
49. was really grateful for my job
50. talked to a friend on the phone
51. worried and fretted a little bit
52. planned, plotted, schemed for a training I have to give tomorrow
53. troubleshooting
54. meeeeeeeetings
55. phone calls phone calls phone calls phone calls
56. followed up on past assignments
57. read friends' blogs
58. wished I was taking a nap
59. checked my email again again again again
60. talked about Harry Potter with co-workers for maybe a half hour
61. stared at the wall in my cubicle for a bit
62. back to work
63. checked on missionaries
64. observed 2 teachers
65. interviewed someone- might hire them
66. meeting
67. email
68. was really grateful for the teachers that work for me
69. wrote quick letter to missionary sister
70. watched video below of nephew twice
71. email
72. wrote 3 letters of recommendation
73. talked to friend
74. same friend brought me dinner
75. was really grateful for friend
76. email
77. phone calls
78. more email
79. research and preparation
80. fell asleep on my keyboard
81. woke up after 15 minutes
82. worked a little bit more
83. came home
84. watched part of The Biggest Loser while I answered more emails
85. talked to roommates
86. watched the Priest Math lady on TV for about 3 seconds
87. talked to my Dad
88. checked email
89. wished I could be in multiple places at once
90. talked to a guy in my ward
91. listened to the end of "This American Life" while I cleaned my room
92. started writing this blog
93. went over to visit some friends
94. talked with friends
95. ate a brownie with some milk
96. came home
97. listened to some music and organized a shelf
98. checked my email
99. going to bed now.

Conclusion: I check my email waaaay too much.

Uh-Oh: my nephew's first word.

This is my baby nephew. He is my nephew. Mine mine mine. And I am his favorite. I am absolutely certain of this. My brother and sister-in-law seem to think that since they provide for him (they play the whole parent card waaaay too often) that they would naturally be the favorites. My mom and dad both throw their names into the hat as well as the favorite relative. But Royboy and I have an understanding and I am his clear and lasting favorite. I just wanted to make everyone aware of that.

Boyboy said his first word and my brother and sister-in-law were awesome enough to have a camera on his chubby little face to document said huge event. I'm pretty sure that his next word will be "favorite" followed closely by his first phrase "Lizzie favorite" and then that will lead him to his first complete sentence: "Aunt Lizzie is my favorite." Just seems like the logical chain of events here.



He is the cutest happiest little guy the world did see and I want to squish those cheeks. And I would like to offer huge props to Danny and Taryn for being the parents of such a cute little dude.

And I'm his favorite.

Day 24- a passion

A passion. Hmmmm.... I am passionate about a lot of things.

• I am passionate about my job at the MTC and all it entails.
• I am passionate about the need for a reform in education.
• I am passionate about most literature.
• I am passionate about the idea of learning how and why to think instead of learning what to think.
• I am passionate about Harry Potter. Yes. Truth.
• I am passionate about Tennyson's "In Memoriam."
• I am passionate about redirecting my focus from changing the world to changing individual's worlds.
• I am passionate about good humor, especially wit.
• I am passionate about discussing ideas with people I am close to.
• I am passionate about any conversation having anything to do (even remotely) with Italy.
• I am passionate about Africa.
• I am passionate about having good relationships with my parents and siblings.
• I am passionate about Christmas.
• I am passionate about friendships and people.
• I am passionate about the outdoors, particularly mountains.
• I am passionate about chocolate.
• I am passionate about my religious beliefs.
• I am passionate about being an impassioned person.

I think it is safe to say that this list is a small representation of things I feel passionately about.

Illustrative story: Towards the end of my mission, my mission president asked if I could have any companion who it would be. He assured me that what I said didn't mean that I would get said sister as a companion but that he was curious as to what I would say. I first asked if I could hypothetically have a previous companion back (read: Melwildebean) and he smiled and said that didn't count, it had to be a sister I hadn't served with. I told him who I wanted so badly to be companions with (Dear Katie Dahl, I am talking about you) and he started laughing really hard and hitting his desk with his palm. "What?!" I questioned. "I am just picturing you two serving together... I think your investigators would blow up from all of your passionate energy." (True story, Katie Dahl. I read it in my journal just the other night. I love President Rhien so much.)

There you have it.

P.S. I just looked at the date. 4 years ago today I stepped on Italian soil for the first time. WEIRD. That may seem insignificant to you, but for me it was a day that has influenced every single one that's followed.

Day 23 - a YouTube video

I have posted a lot of awesome YouTube videos on here. This one maybe isn't as awesome... or isn't as awesome for the same reasons as the others were awesome. This is more AWEsome. Like I am in awe that there are actually people in this that over 3 feet tall. I just want to take this singing guitary man and give him a hug and a pat on the head and a cookie... and a girlfriend... and a haircut... and a life. Poor soul. You know your career has reached an all-time low when you cover lead vocals and guitar on "The Potty Dance" and your back-up dancers aren't even three. And when the background of your music video consists of cartoon fake cardboard trees... and when you start skipping down a fake cardboard path and do the whole waving arm thing that says "C'mon kids!"... and when you're lyrics are "I'm a big kid now, I do big kid stuff, I talk on my phone, (awkward pause that makes it sound like I couldn't think of something to rhyme with "stuff") I drive my car (another awkward pause), watch me play guitar." And your eyebrows are out of control. And in the middle of the song you throw us off by switching guitars and then go super country for about 15 seconds. And then you ask us all to "play the drums"... and by that you mean fist pump awkwardly. And towards the end of the "song" you start getting all "hard rock" on us... and you bring your whole band into this miserable two minute experience. Sweetheart, did you write this song all on your own?



Can we just cry for all the adults in that video for a minute please?

Oh, you guys are all so funny. You all thought "there is no way that there is ANOTHER Potty Dance YouTube video!" Oh, nope. You're all wrong. Only this one is very ethnically rich. And it's a little gangsta' because it's kind of like a rap and the guy is wearing big glasses and bling and... and an apron? But he says "yeah" a lot which is way fun. He begins the dance and a grandpa Richard Simmons joins him. They do the potty dance in India and Australia and all over the word. And the firemen and Asians do it too. Oh and the French do too. And the kangaroos. Then go double time and when he counts to four, he holds up three fingers for both three and four... and can we just talk really quick about how funny the "let it drop" move is?



And yes. This video has more adults than the last one. I wish I could be sitting by them when they got the phone call saying that they made the final cut for the Potty Dance video. What a big moment. Toes, waist, celebrate!!

Day 22 - a website

My favorite website right now is called 6 Billion Others. It is a website devoted entirely to telling the stories of people I don't know and probably won't ever know. Camera crews have gone to over 70 countries and conducted over 5,000 interviews... of people. Just people. No one famous or important by typical standards. They interview a Scottish man as he paints pictures of his dog. They interview Bruno, a man in a wheelchair. They interview Yosef, an atheist Russian. They interview Penelope, an Australian laywer. And they just ask questions. "What is your first memory?" "What do you think is most important?" "What would you change about your life?" "What does love mean to you?" "What do you believe about God?" Then they film the answers. 

That's all. 

But here's the thing: it's real. I could spend hours and hours listening to people on this website because they are real. And I see pieces of myself in them. More often than not, I want to jump through the computer screen and hug these people and be their friends and talk to them about life and joy and pain and sorrow. This is something we use a lot at the MTC to help teachers and missionaries think more outside the box. It helps me realize the beauty and pertinence of the gospel... and the comfort and clarity it brings. 

6 Billion Others is out to show everyone that each individual has traits both universal and particular. That we're all unique but in so many ways we're also alike. We believe different things and come from different places but we still resemble each other. We aspire to the same happiness, we face the same problems, we need the same things. It is absolutely fascinating. Check it out, everyone.

Day 21- pet peeves

Here we go:

• dogs licking my face... or my hand or leg or arm
• when people don't spell out words (lol, r u going b4 2nite?)
• the OneRepublic Song "All the Right Moves"- I think I'm allergic to it because I start moaning when I hear it
• when people dont capitalize their words and use punctuation i dont like that it bugs me
• WHEN PEOPLE SHOUT AT ME WITH THEIR CAPS LOCK
• when PEOPLE shout ALMOST every other WORD
• a dirty windshield
• incessant falsetto humming
• Mary-Kate and Ashley movies
• when someone starts to tell you something and then says "nevermind" or "no, I shouldn't say that..."
• Low Book Sales commercials
• forgetting to return Red Box DVDs
• stupid stupid stupid reality tv shows
• Anne Hathaway because she was in Ella Enchanted (which I hated) and once she crossed my friend EmBun and I haven't liked her since 
• when someone thinks Christmas music and/or hot chocolate is only for Christmas time/ winter
• Scarlett Johansson and the repeatted letterrs in herr namme
• when my gas light is on
• shopping
• when people are rude to waiters or waitresses
• swearing
• mean people who are mean to other people they don't know, or worse when they are mean to people they do know
• intur"Hey did I ever tell you about that one thing that is more important than what you're saying?"ruption
• Twilight books/ movies/ hype/ Kristen Stuart always looking like she just woke up
• overly cheesy things/ parts in movies/ songs
• "your" getting confused for "you're"
• girly stuff

But I do like:

• African music
• witty banter
• rainy days
• reminiscing
• cousins
• cabins
• Robin Hood
• talking to myself
• mountains
• lasagna
• blue shirts
• boots
• spiritual discussions
• unexpected compliments
• being with people
• Christmas
• sibling jokes
• Tennyson
• Harry Potter
• Hymn #85
• YouTube videos
• missed calls
• pajamas
• mascara
• cello music
• dumb jokes
• tetris
• You've Got Mail
• smell of coconut
• texts
• snow
• pumpernickel bagels with cream cheese
• when someone scratches my back
• big windows with a good view
• chocolate
• Banana Republic outlet
• laughing out loud because of something in my head
• spin classes
• comfortable couches
• chacos
• fireplaces

I could keep going but I need to go to bed.

Podcasts

Lately I've become somewhat addicted to podcasts. I listen to them when I clean my room, when I am making dinner, while I'm at work organizing things, while I get ready in the morning, while I mop the floor, while I do my hair, while I drive... basically always. It s a great way to constantly learn new things while I accomplish other tasks. Here are my favorites:

1- This American Life- stories of people and things and places and stuff. Brilliantly put together and hosted by Ira Glass, who has mad interviewing skills. I have probably listened to 60 hours of this program by now. My favorite programs have been Frenemies, Somewhere Out There, Fear of Sleep, Unconditional Love, and the Sedaris Christmas Special.

2- Wait Wait Don't Tell Me. Hilarious. Makes me laugh out loud multiple times. Basically a bunch of funny people get together and go over news stories from the week that are ridiculous and/or humorous and then quiz each other on what happened for points that mean absolutely nothing. It is hosted by Peter Segal and Carl Kassle is the announcer. Paula Poundstone in my favorite panelist. They always have celebrity guests on the show. Peter Segal (below) directed Get Smart starring Steve Carell (also below).

3- Radiolab. Wow. This is a science podcast and guess what? I thought I didn't like science. Turns out I really really do. They tell you all about blinking and the placebo effect and silence and laughter and the scientific side of deception and morality. And it isn't like they dumb it all down to explain it to you. They just tell about facts by using peoples' stories. Brilliant. It is hosted by Robert Kurlwich and Jad Abumrad (awesome name). There was one yesterday I heard about a bonobo (type of chimp) named Kanzi that was taught to actually "speak"- he is language-competant. Listen to the episode named "Lucy" for the whole story.

4- The Moth. Real people telling true stories on a stage without any notes. That's all. Fascinating. I like this one because rarely do the stories go more than 20 minutes and they are all really interesting and usually really funny. They once had a doctor on though who told about how he saved this boy's life on the operating table. He had initially said there was no way this boy would ever live but when he went into the waiting room to tell this boy's mother, something about they way she looked at him and begged him to try again caused him to walk back into the operating room... and the boy is now alive.

Below is an excerpt from the latest "Wait Wait" episode. They are in the middle of the panelist quiz.

Peter Segal: Two Florida Sheriff deputies in Florida were slightly injured on duty when they "blank"ed...

Roxanne Roberts: This isn't the one where they were drunk and they arrested the other drunk guy and then asked him not to tell...

Peter Segal: Noooo, not that one. No, these two guys got injured when they crashed their segways. The two deputies were cruising around town at breathtaking speeds up to twelve miles an hour when their segway wheels locked together leading to a horrifying low-speed crash. Viewers watching said, "Wow it's like watching is slow motion." The deputies were not believed to have operated the segways in a reckless manner, the only explanation seems to be that God granted the wish of everyone who has ever seen a cop going by on a segway.

Roxanne Roberts: Were they sober?

Peter Segal: They were totally sober.

Roxanne Roberts: This wasn't SUI?

Peter Segal: No, this wasn't Segwaying Under the Influence, no. They were just going together and all of a sudden they just... fell over.

Charlie Pearce: Oh so it wasn't a head-on? It was a run-in?

Peter Segal: Yeah, yeah, exactly. And one of them got very slowly trampled.

Roxanne Roberts and Charlie Pearce: *laughing*

Peter Segal: Ohh.... ow..... oh... wait.... ow....... ow..... oh......................... ow.

Want the best news about these podcasts? They're all free. Go subscribe!

Also, I could use some more suggestions for other awesome podcasts. Anyone? Anyone?

Day 20- a hobby of yours

I can't think of a hobby of mine. So instead, I am going to tell you what I would do if I had ample time to devote to a hobby. First, I would organize things like this.

Or better yet...


Ohmygosh, I would love to do that. (Props to Sara who shared this.)

Other hobbies I would like to dedicate much more time to:

 

I'm sure I'll think of others once I post this...