Swine Flu and Alias

In the last three days, I have watched 49 episodes of this:
Because of this:
I have the flu and my worst symptom is boredom. When you spend your days working full time and busy with numberless projects and endeavors, you really feel it when your life comes to a screeching halt for a few days. So I updated Kathy's mission blog, put thousands of church songs on an I-Pod for her, reorganized my hard drive, wrote a bunch of my missionaries, wrote a bunch of emails I haven't gotten around to answering, began planning a trip back to Italy that should happen at the end of December, and have slept a lot. But all of my extra time has been spent watching Alias.

I'm just starting the 5th season and I am annoyed. They just killed Vaughn but I know he's not dead because no one in this show actually dies except Francie and that was forever ago. Irina "died" twice only to come back both times and is still wandering around somewhere, Vaughn's dad was dead but then he wasn't but then he was, Sloan awoke from a lethal injection sentence, Jack had radiation poisoning and was told there was no cure but then he just happened to know the only doctor in the world (naturally in hiding) that knew how to cure him, Dixon has been shot and stabbed and poisoned about 8 times now... you catching my drift? So no, Vaughn isn't dead and he isn't a double agent like that ugly guy said and he's probably going to show up at the end to raise the baby with Sydney and all will be well.

Sloan is back in custody for the 80th time and is a bad guy turned good guy again so they are letting him out for a little while. Nadia is in a coma. They haven't even talked about her for 3 episodes. You can't just put Nadia in a coma and then ignore her. Weiss just got promoted and now he's moving to Washington and he hasn't even mentioned Nadia. Tom is the new guy and I'm confused as to why they brought him in because there isn't anyone for him to fall in love with. Ohhoo, now Sloan is asking Dixon if he can go out on his own away from custody so he can get the cure to Nadia's illness... Dixon is conflicted... Sloan appeals to Dixon's fatherly side. "What if this was your daughter, Marcus?" Dixon is letting him go. Sydney just got in a fight. She's 4 1/2 months pregnant but she can still fight. She just got smacked in the face with a pole. Nope, not so much as a bruise. Oh, he hit her again and now she has a cut over her eye... but she still kicks this guy's trash. Oh, now it's the next day and her face is entirely healed.

These people never get hurt, never stay in comas for long, never die (or at least stay dead for long)... they are super-heroes. And they certainly never get the flu.

I can imagine how the episode would go. APO would receive Intel that the Russians had a biological weapon against the rest of the world and that they had called it Swine Flu. You see, the Russians are behind anything shady in the world... always... (I wonder if Kathy knows that yet.) Sydney, who was shot in the heart a mere two days before by her long-lost twin sister (who was supposedly dead) ripped the bullet from her body and with sheer mind power healed her wound, volunteers to go to Russia to retrieve the prototype. She puts on a purple wig and a nightgown and gets to Russia from LA in less than 2 hours. She walks in a nightclub that doubles as a science facility and roundhouse kicks everyone in her path. Without a weapon, she overpowers 63 armed guards, 8 sumo wrestlers, and Hulk Hogan. She busts her way into the science facility, using her chapstick to open the lock, and then overrides the entire Russian system just by typing the one word into a computer. But THEN the computer goes on lockdown and in only 15 seconds swine flu will be released in to the air and she will catch it and die. AND a bomb is activated that is rigged to all of California, most of Arizona, and the pretty parts of Nevada. And 100 bad guys come in and say that everyone that Sydney cares for, including her pet hamster and her favorite masseuse, are being held in a remote warehouse in France and will all be killed unless she does what they say. She calls Marshall and he is able to type in another word and turn the bomb off in a matter of seconds and he tells Jack, who despite his being in LA, arrives at the warehouse in France in a matter of seconds and frees everyone but the hamster who died of stress, and then Syndey is able to construct something from a bobby pin, he high heel, and piece of gum that stops the swine flu from coming out in to the air and then she somehow gets away from all the guards (probably by flirting) and is back in LA within the hour. Oh, and then the hamster is injected with a certain kind of fluid that only Jack knows about and it lives too.

16 episodes to go!