So if you didn't know this yet, a "game" has been taking over the facebook world. (Note: Facebook is getting old in general. It's starting to really bug me, as opposed to the slight annoyance I felt towards it initially.) The "rules" are that you have to write 25 random facts about yourself and then tag 25 friends and they then have to repeat the process tagging 25 of their own friends. I got slammed with request after request that I repeatedly ignored but I think it is time that I satiate the genral public who are screaming for 25 random facts about me. Please pay close attention because this will only happen once.
It's time to come clean, folks...
1- I am a remarkable human being, often seen leaping from rooftop to rooftop while making Spanish spinach soufflé.
2- I have been known to crochet circus tents out of banana leaves on my lunch breaks and then sell them on ebay for a small fortune.
3- On Tuesdays I volunteer as a translator for Somalian pirates.
4- I worked closely with Steven Spielberg on seven of his biggest films.
5- I haven't walked on the moon. I have, however, fenced, waltzed, run a half marathon, and army crawled on the moon.
6- I once reached the speed of 289 MPH on a toboggan in the great plains region of the United States without the help of any motor or animal.
7- I can watch the TV show 60 minutes in 8.3 minutes.
8- I am an expert in glass blowing, a successful matchmaker, and I know which came first between the chicken and the egg.
9- Using only a bobby pin and two strands of dental floss, I defeated 8 armed hijackers on a flight to Chicago and then, due to the fact that the pilot had passed out, landed the plane in an open field.
10- I was asked to dance the part of Clara in the Nutcracker with the New York City Ballet but turned it down because I had tickets to a jazz game.
11- I discovered a dark plot involving thirty thousand Furbies and their intention to take over the world. I was able to thwart said dark plot by going undercover and sneakily putting them all to sleep then taking out their batteries.
12- I had lunch with Santa Claus last week.
13- I am a world renown opera singer, architect, and fashion designer. I performed Mozart's Magic Flute Aria #14 in the Sydney Opera House (which I designed) wearing this dress (which I made by hand).
14- On weekends, I fly to Senegal to read to orphans.
15- I completely understand cold fusion.
16- I can take pictures without a camera and develop them using only a sink, some sugar, and a flashlight.
17- I know where Waldo is at all times.
18- My alter-ego is “anonymous”- I am responsible for all those quotes/ poems/ songs you’ve been reading all these years.
19- I once played both Romeo and Juliet in a production at the Globe Theater. Queen Elizabeth knighted me afterward.
20- As of yesterday, I have saved 302 small children from various burning buildings and have helped well over 230,000 old women cross streets.
21- I read “War and Peace” in 34 minutes and found 81 spelling errors.
22- Until recently I was battling with a young man named Ma’rib from Yemen for the “Most Accomplished Person in the World” title but have earned the honor and possess a plaque to prove it. They are also in the process of naming a country after me.
23- All of the Harry Potter spells work for me. Yes, ALL. (I didn’t say I use all of them…)
24- I am a superstar in most countries and have various action figures modeled after me, I was the one that voted Pluto out, I do not need to blink, I climbed Everest twice in one day, and in 2002 the Italians accidentally knocked over Michelangelo’s David (shattering the statue) so they flew me over to sculpt a replacement.
25- I have not yet, however, graduated from college.
(To read about someone else much like me and to see where I received my inspiration to become so amazing, go here: http://www.c4vct.com/kym/humor/collessy.html)
3 comments:
My sources have recently informed me that after Waldo moved from the coffee shop in Yemen he took a hot air balloon to Dubai, where he is currently golfing atop the tallest building in the world. Waldo, however, forgot his hat in Yemen. This was a HUGE oversight, seeing as it has since been stolen and is being held for ransom by a certain "Ma'rib" who claims that if you don't forgoe the title of "Most Accomplished Person" then he will burn Waldo's infamous hat and thus deprive Waldo of his awesomeness status and you of your #17.
Looks like you've got your work cut out for you.
Again, dear Melissa Lynn, the one rule holds true... *I* am your first, your best, and your only reliable source. Your sources were mostly correct... Waldo was in Dubai but he left his walking stick (the one Grandpa Waldo whittled for him out of a redwood) under the bar in the coffee shop so he caught a ride with Santa (who was in Dubai for a toy conference but was on his way to visit me for dinner) back to said coffee stop to retrieve said walking stick to find that Ma'rib, blinded by his pain and anger at losing the title, had stupidly forgotten to lock the door to his hostage headquarters. (Since his loss, he's been doing very stupid things... very sad for one previously so accomplished.) Waldo, as you probably know, has a certain talent of blending and was able to sneak in, grab the hat, retrieve the walking stick, order four drinks, perform 3 karaoke songs (two Cher songs and a Tina Turner) and then leave virtually undetected. He is now in Madagascar sipping a cold glass of chocolate milk. Ma'rib has since given up on revenge because he realizes how unaccomplished he really is. He called just thirty minutes ago and we chatted cordially. He is starting my fan club.
Case closed. CLUNG DUNK.
I always knew you were special....
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