Overly Conservative

This guy in my ward is the most conservative person I have ever met in my entire life and I think it is pretty funny. He's reasonably nice and a good conversationalist but we simply can't see eye to eye on some key issues. He was telling me one day that he didn't like that I wore my brown leather boots to church. I laughed and asked him what I should have worn. Very seriously, he responded "a modest heel." I asked him to enlighten me by telling me what girls should dress like. This is what he told me. Girls should:

1) Refrain from all boots besides snow boots that correspond with appropriately snowy weather. He said, and I quote, that "the only girls that wear tall leather boots are the kind of girls that hang out on corners". He despises those furry suede boots that are in fashion. In terms of church wear, he also hates overly high heels and sandals. Flats are acceptable, as are shoes with a modest heel.

2) Hair and makeup. Women's hair should be long. It shouldn't be dyed any color that looks unnatural. It should not be cut short and styled to look like the back of a duck or a flock of seagulls. Makeup should be light and shouldn't look like a girl was hit in face with a paintball gun. (He said something like that... made me laugh.)

3) Sunday skirts shouldn't be short and should be conservative. They shouldn't have funky designs. He likes dresses and long skirts. He hates the leggings with skirts or dresses over them look. 

4) He likes collared shirts that are nicely pressed. I remember him saying something about a nice blazers and sweaters too. 

Now I do agree with him on some of those points but it sounds like he wrote the missionary handbook. It blew my mind that a guy would be that opinionated about women's fashion. I was so appalled by his overly conservative tastes that I spoke with my roommates and we decided to play a joke on him. Molly, Mel, and I went home and found our most conservative clothing and got dressed. I'll admit that my red skirt is maybe a little too colorful for his tastes but it is long and made of heavy wool and matched the argyle sweater vest too perfectly. I parted my hair down the middle and tied it into a bun. Mel put on fake glasses. Molly wore pearls. I wore my young women medallion and my Italy Rome Mission pin and my CTR crest pin (I got it as a joke from my Mission President of all people) and an American Flag and Italian flag pin I had. All these pins were stuck on the collar of my shirt, which was buttoned to the very top button. I wore the ugliest shoes I had in my closet. Mel wore a horrible broach and a blazer and plain gray skirt she wore frequently on the mission. Molly wore all black with a collared shirt. 

We went to his house and knocked on the door. When he answered, we were singing in lovely harmony "As Sisters In Zion". He looked confused. I informed him that we had come for the Mrs. [insert his last name here] tryouts we had heard were being held that evening. He looked worried but let us in. We began pulling things out of the bags we brought. We all brought our scriptures in various languages. Molly brought a needlepoint design with a picture of Christ that read "If you could only see yourself the way I see you."  She also brought her flute to perform a nice medley of hymns for the talent portion. Mel brought the Ensign and the Family Proclamation and a cookbook. I brought my Preach my Gospel and my Preach My Gospel DVDs as well as my crocheting and a picture of the temple and my missionary planner. After Molly read the scriptures in Proverbs about a virtuous woman, we talked about how we could raise up the fruits of our loins in righteousness and truth. We called him "Brother" for the entirety of our visit. We posed for a quick picture and I pasted on the fakest smile I could muster (though I was the only one that did so and therefore look pained) and then we talked about the joys of being conservative. We were pretty good at not breaking character. He finally said "you've made your point, girls." We knew our work was done. He and his roommate offered us hot apple cider and we initially declined saying hot drink are not for the belly. 

I think we're really funny sometimes.