"Goodbye My Almost Lover" is a beautifully haunting song by A Fine Frenzy. Check it out.
So I've liked some. I've maybe even come close to like-liking a couple of them. I thought I was in love once (and was wrong, by the way). But things don't work out and I move on. Look around... every movie, song, and commercial is based on the human need for affection and love. It is a motivating factor in nearly all we do. I am puzzled to see how much of an obsession some have with "matters of the heart" when really, the heart doesn't have much to do with it. It is all about emotions and hormones, minds and ideals, pressures from family and friends and society and not so much about two people. I hate to see people fall in love with ideas rather than people. This post was inspired by me reflecting on past relationships with past flames and trying to figure out what went wrong and how and why. It was a very interesting activity to say the least. Lately I've been feeling very optimistic about my future, for no particular reason other than I know who is in charge and it certainly is in more capable and kind hands than my own. If these sorts of things were in my hands, I'd wind up terribly unhappy because with my tunnel vision, I'd screw things up royally. It'll work out. Someday I'll sit across from someone who loves me in every moment, who brings out my happy comfortable self, who supports me, and who is devoted only to me. We'll make each other laugh, we'll face the world together, we'll get upset at each other and get over it, and hopefully I won't have to wade through too much drama to get there. Drama isn't my favorite. For now, I bid goodbye to all thos "almost lovers" and their painful or uncomfortable memories, and I face the future with nothing but optimism.
It obviously is different for everyone but I think that for me, I don't envision a terribly difficult decision. It won't be a back and forth battle in my mind. For me I see it being natural and happy. For me. But what do I know? I'm usually way off anyway, and I am happy to be wrong. But I just cringe seeing these people going through emotional turmoil to make a decision about something that should be based on truth and sense as well as feelings. God is not the author of confusion. Done and done.
I feel things deeply. I always have. I likely always will. My world revolves around people- knowing them and being with them and knowing that I have a place among them. It is nice to know that I'm not alone as I trek along and do my best at this whole "mortal existence" thing. Ups and downs and highs and lows are all part of the deal that I signed up for. They make me more grateful. Man, I love the level-headed and relaxed me. I love this version of myself. I think she's cool. :-) And I don't mean that in a cocky way. Sometimes I just really like myself and I think that is just fine. Not all my posts will be this serious.
Conclusion? God is blessing the broken road that will eventually lead me to the one who will make me incandescently happy... but that doesn't mean that happiness is delayed until then. True? True.
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