A tribute and some goodbyes.

Lately, I've been reading though my really old journals (like from 8th grade) and laughing at how melodramatic I was, particularly when it came to "romance." I was so hesitant to ever tell anyone about my "crushes" and I hated talking about them even with my closest friends but I sure poured my heart out in my journals. Such silly things, my future daughters will love them.

I realize that I've grown up quite a bit... my preferences have changed drastically. It's time I move on and bid a fond goodbye to all of these "crushes" that occupied so much of my time as a Junior High Student.

First is Brian Littrell.

Yes, the Backstreet Boy.

Come on! He was the cute, tender and shy one! I remember my 7th grade locker partner Tiffany Logan gave me the Backstreet Boys CD cover to put up in our locker because her twin sister Danielle decided she liked Leo DiCaprio more and didn't want hers anymore. I listened to "As Long As You Love Me" on repeat for hours. Kendra and I would watch the music video for Backstreets Back at her house because she had a CD-ROM drive. Ohhh, you remember the CD-ROM.

Sorry Brian, your boyish charm is gone. You're kind of creepy and gross now. And while we're on the subject...

Show me the meaning of being lonely
So many words for the broken heart
It's hard to see in a crimson love
So hard to breathe
Walk with me, and maybe
Nights of light so soon become
Wild and free I could feel the sun
Your every wish will be done
They tell me


...That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

I can't love you anymore.

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Next goodbye: John Rzeznik.

My 15 year old self had this video recorded on a VHS tape. I watched it about 73 times in a row. I loved John Rzeznik and his Goo Goo Dolls so much.

Then I went to Italy and found that this song in Italian is one of the most popular songs ever... which is weird because no one in America has heard of it. But regardless, I loved John Rzeznik even before I loved Italy. The man had perfect teeth and awesome hair Meg Ryan-esque and he sort of looks like a girl sometimes. 

So, thanks for everything, John. But we're done. You have more highlights than me and I think you might be wearing lipstick in this picture. I'll miss you... sort of.

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Next up is Jason Wade, the lead singer for Lifehouse. I don't think I've ever heard a more attractive voice, particularly when he sings this song:

I loved him I loved everything about him, especially the face part of him. I first heard the Lifehouse song at Melissa Scott's house when we were getting ready for 9th grade promotion. She was braiding purple flowers in my hair to match my purpose dress. I thought it was amazing. I thought he was amazing.

Goodbye Jason. I think you weight about 100 pounds. You're married anyway.

********

Orlando Bloom entered my life the night I saw the first Lord of the Rings movie with my dad. I remember looking up things about the young Orlando on the internet... I knew the he had a sister and that he went to acting school in London and that once he broke his back and that he dated Kate Bosworth.

I hated Kate Bosworth.

I loved Legolas. I remember watching Lord of the Rings with Amanda Lunt while eating cheese fries from Training Table. I remember some of the winning Legolas quotes and how I thought they were so introspective... at the time...

"A red sun rises, blood has been spilled this night."


"They run as if the very whips of their masters were behind them!"


"The stars are veiled. Something stirs in the East. A sleepless malice. The Eye of the enemy is moving."


Now those are some of the most laughable quotes of all time.

Sorry Legolas, my heart beats for you no more. Not you, not Will Turner, not Orlando Bloom. What kind of name is "Orlando Bloom" anyway? You sound like a lotion at Bath and Body Works.

********

Next up, Oliver Wood.

Sean Biggerstaff, everyone.

I'd mimic his accent every time I watched the movie. He was my favorite. I've always loved Harry Potter but this handsome Scotsman (Scotsboy?) just enriched the whole HP experience. When I went to Scotland, I had this funny thought in my mind. I don't think it was a serious thought, but it certainly was a thought: wouldn't it be great to accidentally meet Sean Biggerstaff in the store in Edinburgh... start a random conversation with him by asking where to find such and such a place... he'd say "Well, why don't I just take you?" and then we'd become friends... and I'd give him a Book of Mormon... he'd join the church (obviously)... and then... well, you know.

That never happened. Not even close. Sorry, Sean. You're getting the boot.

Besides, you're maybe 12 years old. Like... at most.

********

And now, for the crush of all crushes... MUSH.

From NEWSIES.

I loved him. I was seriously IN LOVE with him. He loved me back as far as I was concerned.

Aaron Lohr. He was my life. I owe this crush to Megan Lisonbee because I watched Newsies at her house one night after young womens. We made chicken and broccoli casserole for our young womens leader and then we watched this movie... and I was never the same. I rented it dozens of times. Asked for a copy of my own for my 13th birthday. My mom said that they didn't make it anymore (not true) and when I opened my presents at Olive Garden on my birthday and saw that I actually HAD gotten the video, I cried. No, seriously.

I CRIED.

I remember going downstairs THAT NIGHT and watching it three times in a row. I was wearing pearberry lotion and eating the famous Whitmore chocolate chip cookies that Kendra made me. My Beehive leader came over to bring me a present and I remember feeling terribly inconvenienced that I had to pause the movie and go upstairs talk to her. I was wearing a striped turtleneck and a light blue down vest from Old Navy that I got for a birthday present.

I knew every one of Mush's lines, every one of his dance moves, every one of his facial expressions. I rewound and watched and rewound and watched over and over. Especially this part. 

My eyes are still trained to find him in the frame. I cut up pictures of him and glued them in my journal. I hadn't known a love that deep and my 13 year old body was consumed with joy. I'd freak out if anyone teased me about this, though. I still didn't want to talk about any of this. 

I was an awesomely ridiculous teenager. I can't wait to have a bunch of crazy girls in my house. I'm going to go crazy.

Mush. I must let you go. It's time. 

Once upon a time you seized my heart but I've since gotten it back. You're old and kind of ugly now anyway. 

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And last but certainly not least...

Matt Damon.

Ohhhh, how I loved Matt Damon. Anything he was in. Everything he was in. I especially loved the fact that he "went" to Harvard and was an "English Major" and I was convinced that he was a "nice, upstanding, moral-upholding" individual and refused to believe anything to the contrary. 

But now...

ohhh, now...

Oh, who am I kidding? I still love Matt Damon and always will.