Loss and Family

Today I went to a funeral.

My friend Jeff's little brother Trevor was killed last Tuesday in a car accident. He was serving as a missionary in Texas and was only two weeks away from coming home. He'd extended his mission a few weeks because this was a missionary who was truly converted to missionary work. Trevor shared the youngest-child spot with his twin brother Scott, who arrived home from his mission to Arizona two days after Trevor's death. The twins have five older siblings who adore them. A few of us took the day off work and went up to Kearns to support Jeff and his family so I got to hear from each of Trevor's brothers and sisters.

They each shared poignant, tender and funny memories of this wonderful kid. Scott was the last to speak. Not even home from his mission a week and he's already eulogizing his best friend and twin brother. He bore such a powerful testimony of the Atonement as he stood in a worn suit wearing his missionary badge... but at the end as he tried to express gratitude for his family, his face broke. He buried his face in his arms right there at the podium and sobbed. Jeff's dad jumped up and put a gentle hand on Scott's back. We waited in silence, tears streaming down our faces as we watched. It was a moment of true grief and pain. When Scott gained his composure, he proclaimed everlasting love for his brother, declared he would see him again, and closed in the name of Christ.**

Elder Nelson was there representing the Twelve Apostles and First Presidency. He spoke tender words of comfort and validation. He called the family members by name. He counseled everyone to avoid the "what if'"s associated with death and testified with power that Trevor was carried home to that God that gave him life. He told them it was okay to weep, to mourn, to grieve. He then quoted the following scripture from Doctrine and Covenants 42:

Thou shalt live together in love insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die... those that die in me shall not tase of death for it shall be sweet unto them. 

 I sat in the very back of that cultural hall overcome with a mixture of sadness for this family and faith in the Lord's promises. I don't know this family. I've never met Trevor. I know Jeff but even he is a fairly new friend. Yet I felt such love and compassion for these people as they openly shared their most difficult moments with us along with their proclamations of faith and eternal families. I haven't experience a loss like this ever in my life and I began thinking about the glory of the gospel and the need for an understanding of the Plan of Salvation. The Savior breaking the bonds of death took on new meaning to me today... He made it so loss isn't loss at all, rather a delay. Being reunited is a given, is a certainty, is a for sure.

As I listened to these devastated yet incredibly faithful brothers and sisters talk about their brother, I began thinking about my own siblings... what would I say about them? How could I capture them in so few words? I concluded that I didn't know, that it would be incredibly hard.

So I thought I would try.

Danny: The high bar-setter. The epitome of "the example." Danny has always made good choices, the best of which was to marry who he married. He has continually been steady and consistent in every important aspect of his life and we have watched him carefully. I haven't ever seen Danny waver in his testimony, in his dedication to his family, in his standards. He's quiet and content to sit back and watch others in the family that are more inclined to perform, yet he is willing to step up when needed to take a leadership role. He isn't afraid to do things that are out of his comfort zone when he's needed, and is always willing to help under any circumstances. Giving blessings, listening to stories, performing favors, helping move things... he's easy to call on. He's practical yet tender, he's responsible yet goofy, he's an incredibly daddy to his little boys, he loves the Lord, and I love him.

Taryn: Not a sister by "blood" but since when does that mean anything? I met Taryn the day I got home from my mission and it took me about 3.4 minutes to realize that I loved her. I was so impressed with Danny's choice. She continues to surprise me with her goodness and steadiness. Taryn is honest, incredibly loyal, and fiercely protective of me. That means more to me than she could ever know. She listens to me gripe and groan, she lets me hover over her boys whenever they are around, she encourages me and believes in me. I could not have imagined a better person to marry into our family or a better person to marry my brother. She's an amazing mother and an amazing sister. I love her.

Kathy: Oh my free spirit. Kathy is her own person and I admire so much her passion for life and for living the way she wants to. She is rock solid when it comes to the gospel and doing what is right. She believes in fun and spontaneity and has the most adventurous heart of anyone I know. Kathy is creative and hilarious, she is the smartest one in our family and probably the hardest worker. Her ambition makes her interesting but not distracted, she loves deeply, she's musical and beautiful and pretty much my hero. She was a ridiculously good missionary and I had the blessing of seeing that first hand. I want to be like her, I want her to be my best friend for my whole life and I love her.

Johnny: My best buddy. I don't know what it is about this kiddo but he and I have always had a special connection. I feel this responsibility for John's happiness that I can't describe. I will fight anyone that crosses him and bless anyone that loves him. I am so impressed by his goodness and tenderness. From the time he was little he's been an incredible example to me spiritually. This kid feels deep and it shows. He loves the gospel and loves the Lord. He is artistic linguistically and writes with the skill of someone twice his age. John faces difficulties that none of us have experienced and he does so with class and grit. He is an enormous inspiration in his constant effort. He is intelligent and funny and one of my favorite people to be around. I would hang out with him over anyone anytime. John is dedicated to family and will be an amazing missionary. And I love him.

The minute we got to the car, I pulled out my phone and texted each one of my family members telling them I loved them. Many things were put in perspective today.

**If you're unfamiliar with our beliefs and would like more information, click here.