Changing the world.

I feel empowered today. I also feel a little sheepish because my blog so far has been filled with silly commentary about the humor I find in life. In this late night musing session, I hope to articulate some semblance of intelligent thought. I'm prone to some deep thought processes That I rarely record. My head tends to get so far ahead of my hand that penning the words is a ridiculous notion. Anyway, this post is an attempt to get you all to believe that I actually do think about things on a more profound level. I'm actually a rather impassioned person... I get pretty worked up over certain things. And this is one of my latest kicks.

I'm an English major. 

Let me be clear. I don't do drugs. I think sometimes in the past, I've announced my English major status in a hesitant tone or in a quiet voice, the reason being that the misconception connected with English majors is that they are cop outs. It seems like everyone chooses to study English because it is the major that lets you read and talk about feelings... and that is what every girl like to do, right? (Please stay tuned for an upcoming post about my constant battle against all things "girly"...) Some think it is an easy route and doesn't have a demanding workload. Well, they're wrong on several fronts. It's tough! And I became an English major because I truly love it. I tried several other things before discovering this. I entered BYU as a journalism major, changed to psychology planning on becoming a child psychologist, which changed quickly to the idea of being a school counselor which changed to occupational therapy and then to special education and I even toyed with the idea of social work. Finally I decided that I was a born english major and I needed to study something I was passionate about otherwise I wouldn't be able to put my heart into my schoolwork. I've always loved to read and began to love writing, text analysis, studying themes and motifs and symbols in my English classes from 9th-12th grade, so I switched my major for the last time to English. While serving a mission I realized that my real desire (and what I should have done all along, though I initally resisted it) is to teach. I love to teach. So I am still an English major and have the intention of going to grad school to get a masters in education and then teach... high school. 

Why?

Because that is the best chance I have at changing the world. Or if I can't change the world, I can at least try to change a life. I had a Jr. High teacher (Mr. Gill- 9th grade English) who had a very big impact on my self-esteem, my career choice, and my life because he saw some raw talent in a young shy girl who completely lacked confidence in herself. I hope to do that for someone else. 

This last week, my favorite BYU professor (Rick Duerden- I take every class from him that I can because his teaching fits my learning style so perfectly) jumped up on his soapbox and told us why we should be happy, yeah even exceedingly proud that we are students of literature. He pointed out that the earliest "english majors" were philosophers and scientists and intellectuals who questioned life and morals and reasons... they became the thinkers. Some are educated just to get through school and end up in some kind of trade where they are told what to think... so long as they conform and do their part on the conveyer belt of life, they'll get their money and move on. Others are educated in a profession and are told when to apply their knowledge... they are told when to think. A doctor or a lawyer is taught so that he can regurgitate facts when he needs them. And then there are those who are educated for the sake of education. These are the people that are taught WHY to think. That is the education I seek. Perhaps the English major doesn't offer much in terms of a job. A job. A job a job. Everyone needs a job. The classic question: "What's your major?" The 2nd most classic question. "What do you plan to do with that?" meaning what is your job going to be? I'd rather think of it terms of what I am going to be. I think I am going to start answering that question like this: "I want to change the world. I want to think, inspire others to think, and in so doing change thinking forever. I want to positively alter the course of someone's life. That's how I want to apply my education." Thinking. 

I like being able to draw my own conclusions. That is why I never took well to math or science. I love the Jack Handy quote: "Instead of having 'answers' on a math test, they should just call them 'impressions,' and if you got a different 'impression,' so what? Can't we all be brothers?" I understand that 2+2=4. I get it. But how does that apply to lives and humanity and thought and emotion? I would always try to assign personality to numbers. Like I always wondered if 3 was ever jealous of 8 because 3 looks like a half of an 8. Did 3 ever get made fun of for that? And does 4 get upset when some people write him like a flag instead of a lopsided fork? Was 6 the original number and 9 was the one they flipped upside down or was in the other way around? And how does 9 feel about being an upside-down 6? Is that like being "Danny Jones's little sister"? And why do I call a 7 a "her" when a 5 in my head is a definite "him"? Do you see why I got distracted during math class and never really understood what the teacher was talking about once I started listening again? 

Anyway, I realized that being an english major suits me. I watched one of my favorite movies called "The Freedom Writers" today, which was a life-changing movie the first time I saw it. It was while watching that movie that I realized why I want to teach so badly. I want to give a voice to kids that are confused and hurt. I want to show kids who are told by friends, and by family and by society "you can't" that they absolutely can. I want to see kids as they really are and not as they pretend to be in order to save face. And then I want to give them a pen and paper and have them figure themselves out, help them recognize their talents and strengths, allow them to express themselves, and then send them out to change the world. That's my battle plan. I don't want to tell them what to think or when to thing, I want to teach them WHY to think. 

I'm an English major. I'm going to get a masters and spend the rest of my life teaching high school and changing the world. Not the world as a whole but the whole world of one student.

I'm good with that.