Argument

I was tired. When I'm tired on campus, my survival instincts kick in and I instantly search desperately for a place to take a nap. My preference is the plethora of leather chairs in the library on the 3rd floor but I was really tired and didn't think I would make it so I looked around the H-FAC, noting that I had a good 2 hours to kill before my next class, and found a small room that was filled with promising looking furnishings and was separated from the noisy lobby by a thick pane of glass. I darted for the room and collapsed into one of the stuffed chairs and almost instantly fell asleep. 

Not long after, I awoke with a start surprised to hear angry voices. You know that confused and muddled state you're in upon waking from a nap? I cast my bleary eyes around the room, looking for the source of the ruckus that had pulled me out of my doze. Directly in front of me were two very upset individuals who were anxiously engaged in an argument. Fists were clenched, teeth gritted, voices raised. They didn't seem to notice their drowsy and confuddled audience member looking on with a facial expression of annoyance mingled with curiosity. 

"You always forget, Dad! Always!" she yelled. Her hot pink capris matched not only her hot pink shirt and her hot pink hair ribbon and the hot pink pin stripes in her black jacket but also her hot pink-colored lips, which at the moment were pursed.

"It isn't exactly easy with your mom gone! Cut me some slack, Ellen!" He looked like a tired father should: receding hairline with tufts of gray showing at his temples, dark circles under his eyes, hunched shoulders, a round belly, and wrinkles etched into his face by his eyes and mouth. I noticed the lack of a wedding ring, signifying a possible divorcee or widower.

"It's been on the calendar for months!"

"Well I'm sorry that the fact that I have to work for a house payment has inconvenienced you so much! I can't come. I'm sorry!" He sounded more exasperated than sorry. Ellen shook her ribboned head, irate. Spitting out a few stuttered syllables, she glared her worst, spun on her heel, and stamped out of the room. He ran after her screaming her name. 

I was fully awake now. I looked around to see if anyone else had shared my discomfort in accidentally intruding on a family moment, but I was very much alone in the room. As I blinked, trying to process what had just happened, I saw Ellen coming back in the room. She was followed closely by her father. I panicked, looking for a place to hide or a door I could slip out of. Unfortunately, they were currently at the only door I could exit from. I didn't want them to realize that I had been sitting there the whole time. And then I realized a crucial detail.

They were both smiling wide. 

Thinking that surely I was on Candid Camera or involved in some strange research project for a sociology class, I tried to look as nonchalant as possible. They seemed involved in conversation and I caught the end of what Ellen's father was saying as he pulled the glass door open and they entered.

"... yeah, but it went better this time. I like what you did at the end there with the stammering."

"Was that okay do you think? It's not too much?"

"No, it's good. Ellen is supposed to be angry. I like it. Let's try it again."

Once I came to my senses, I had to smile. As I gathered my things to go, I mentally applauded the BYU dramatic program. 

BRIAN REGAN!!!

I'm going to see Brian Regan's show!! RIGHT NOW!

That's all I'm trying to say. That's all that I'm driving at... really... if you think about it... that's all.

He-er cut.

New hair style.

I'm still getting used to it. 

Insert something profound here

Wow. Is this picture artistic or what? I bet you are thinking to yourselves "I didn't think Lizzie was so dang artistic but today she has proven me wrong." Because everyone knows if you take a picture of your hand with stuff written on it, you're WAY artistic. Especially if it is in black and white and you get extra artistic points if some of the things written on the hand are in different languages so this is major artistic, especially if you actually speak one of the languages ("bacio" means kiss and "amore" means love in Italian). I bet you now are all going to go on google images and look for your own artistic black and white different language pictures to put on your blogs so others will think you're artistic. And in a few days when I wander on to your blog, I'll think you're artistic too and we can be artistic friends who wear berets and speak in muted voices and raise are hands to snap our appreciation at the end of a job well done. Clapping is so offensive to one's ears, don't you agree? So lets do this. We can all meet at a coffee shop and get hot cocoa and I'm going to make sure mine is made out of really dark chocolate. And I won't add sugar or cream, because that is the artistic thing to do. We can sit on stools and talk about abstract ideas like prudence and captivity and innocence. We can go late into the night reading poetry that we pretend to understand and relate it to nature and our inner-child. Who wants to bring the bongos?

Don't stop believing...

A few weeks ago I got the best treat ever. My friend Joe called and said he was taking me to the Journey concert, my favorite band of all time. The concert was absolutely amazing and was pretty much life changing... mostly because I got to see Journey's new lead singer perform. Steve Perry left the band years ago and they haven't ever been able to find someone good enough to take his place. To make a long story short, they found Arnel Pineda from the Philippines, a poor singer performing covers of Journey's songs. Watch this youtube video for a truly amazing story. It really was one of the best days of my life. Highlight of the summer by far. I am forever in Joe's debt.

It don't matter if it's black or white...

I got a call a few days ago from one of my favorite members in Italy and I was talking to her about life and how things are going. After we hung up, I naturally became nostalgic and pulled out my mission journals and began to read and remember those experiences I had while wearing my black tag. I still have that tag on my shelf. It is pretty beat up and the metal clasp in the back is actually held together by thread. But I wore that same tag every single day of my mission. It was the only thing that was present for all of my experiences. 

That little black tag means a lot to me. "Sorella Jones- Chiesa di Gesu' Cristo dei Santi degli Ultimi Giorni." It gave me more hope and more peace during tough times than anything else. It gave me more courage and faith during scary times than anything else. It brought me more joy than I thought possible. It taught me more than I could have imagined. And it represents 18 months that changed the course of my life. When I got home, I had a hard time taking that tag off. 

I can't believe it's now been a year since I got home. I've had a lot of great things happen to me in this last year, but I have to say one of the greatest blessings from this last year was when I was hired as an Italian teacher at the MTC. The tag I wear every day isn't black... it's white. But it's still a tag. When I put it on, I am reminded that I still have a small influence over the missionary work in Italy. It means a lot to me. I was just thinking about that today as I looked at these pictures of the district of 14 missionaries that just left to go to Italy. They have black tags and I have a white one but when it all comes down to it, we are just a bunch of people with testimonies, a devotion to the gospel, and love for the people of Italy. Someday I'll take off the white tag, but that doesn't matter. I don't need a tag to continue to learn.  

I tried to teach these missionaries not to take their time with a black tag for granted. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like for me to be able to go back to Italy with a black tag even just for one day. It's be amazing... but missions end for a reason. Someday I'll wear a black tag again, but that won't be for a long time and I'll be in a very different circumstance. Sometimes it is just good to remind myself of how lucky I was that I had the opportunity to experience a mission... and how lucky I am now that my life is still so enriched by my mission. I wouldn't trade it for the world. It is the single best decision I have made up to this point in my life and I am so grateful that I had the privilege. It changed me forever. I miss Italy.  

Just some thoughts. 

This is like the best ev-ver!

You guys. I seriously cannot even possibly stress enough how much all you guys need to seriously go and read this blog. Rilly. It is like the best thing in internet history. Literally. I seriously heart it! I know what your thinking right now. Your thinking how could any blog be better than Lizzies blog? No way!  Well, YES way. Sometimes when I am having a bad day and not feeling super funny/ pretty/ skinny/ blessed, I go and I read it and I feel ten times better about my wardrobe/ life/ day. For reals. It enspires me to count my blessings and name them one by one and makes me super super excited to be married and have a house and go shopping for my house. TAMN and me are total kindrid spirits like in Anne of Green Gables and would totally be shopping girlfriends in reallife. OMG it is tonz of fun! I am totally ADDICTED to this blog and everything that it has to do with. I seriously have like cravings. ThNx PpL! Love you! 

Don't mess...

You don't mess with me. If you dish it, I'll dish it back. If you bring it, I'll bring it further. I think people underestimate me because I tend to be a fairly nice person in general... but when it comes to revenge, I am not a force to be reckoned with. The latest victim is a friend from my ward. He's been on my list for a few weeks now when we were involved in a water fight. He doused me a few times and I couldn't ever seem to get him back so I told him to watch his back. I was in the midst planning my revenge... however last night we were having a party at the bishop's house and he sped up the revenge planning considerably by deciding to throw me into the pool. I took it well, I laughed, climbed out of the pool, and sweetly told him he'd regret it. As I wrung out my sopping shirt, the wheels a-started turning. Needed to be unsuspected. Needed to be big. Needed to be cold. Needed to be soon.

We had already decided to go and do a hike the next morning (today) so I told him to come over around eight. I went home and began my battle plan. I searched the house for weapons. I found a squirt gun... not big enough. I had a bag of water balloons... but soon realized that though they are fun, the damage is minimal.  I considered the hose... but hoses can easily turn on you if the target has a stronger grip and I refused to allow that. The pool was clear down the street and I couldn't figure out a way to get him down there without his getting suspicious. A full bucket of ice cold water straight to the face was my only answer. But how??

My bedroom window looks out over our front yard and is somewhat close to the roof. I raced upstairs to see if my plan would work. After popping out the screen, I discussed my plan with my roommates, gave them their various assignments, and went to bed. 

The next morning, I put the preparations in order. Open window right above front lawn without screen? Check. Huge four gallon bucket of ice cold water? Check. Other smaller buckets standing by as reinforcements should the aim of the first bucket fail? Check check. Roommates in place? Check. Victim walking down the street? Checkmate. Showtime.

I got into position. One roommate welcomed him and his friend and told them that I was just getting some things together and would be out soon. The other roommate then took advantage of their nice-guy tendencies as she batted her eyes and told them a devastating tale involving a lost something-or-other in the bushes (conveniently planted below the open window where I hid, holding my breath) and the victim instantly went to work to help her find her trinket. It was too perfect. He stood 10 feet below me, his eyes downcast. So unsuspecting. So unprepared. In seconds, those eyes were wide, his mouth was sputtering, and his face had a look of confusion and shock. 

He had been annihilated. Extirpated. Nay.... liquidated. Soaked to the very core.

I hit my target on the first try. He didn't know what to think... one second he was dry as Death Valley and the next wet as the ocean blue. He looked around at those around him and saw that they were not only innocent but just as surprised as he was. His face slowly looked up at the window where I sat. I waved, a smug look on my face and said in the same sweet voice from the night before, "I told you you'd regret it!" He shook his head in disbelief as we all fell to the ground in a heap of hysterical laughter. I'm brilliant.

Don't mess. You have been warned. 

Things that make me laugh...

My cousin Molly once told me that she didn't like the name "Jeff" because "it's like... a hat." I have yet to find out what that means. 

This old man found out I served a mission in Rome Italy and he asked me if Latin was a hard language for me to learn. When I told him I learned Italian, he asked me when they switched it from Latin. I told him that it was just a few years back. 

Someone told me about a bumper sticker that said "Heck is for people who don't believe in gosh."

I shop at Smiths. I like using the self-checker-outer thing because I feel like it saves me time (it usually doesn't) and my favorite part is when the lady's voice comes on and asks you to scan your first item. As soon as I scan my fresh values card, I get this super enthusiastic "Welcome valued customer!!" She sounds like her life has just been completed. I like that.  

I like this joke. An agnostic dyslexic insomniac woke up in the middle of the night and wondered if there was a dog. 

I drive my car half a mile to go run 5 miles at the gym and then I get back in my car and drive home. And I get excited when I find a parking spot close to the entrance. 

I get in arguments with 8 year olds about the inner workings of Harry Potter. 

Molly and I do this high-pitched voice and sometimes we forget that we are in public amongst people who do not know us well. 

My clothes in my closet are organized by color and all face the same way... the rest of my room is pretty much in shambles.

I went hiking with a few guy friends a few weeks ago. We came across some spiders and they weren't afraid. We saw a snake and they didn't flinch. But one little bee made them run for their lives. 

Life makes me laugh...                                                           

MTC

I wonder what someone would think if they had no idea what the MTC was about and all they saw was this: a bunch of young kids between 19 and 22ish all dressed up in suits and ties or long skirts and conservative tops who are all up at the same early hour, all eat at the same time, all disappear for hours at a time during the day, and who are all in bed and quiet by 10:30. They never use their first names, they are often trying to speak to each other in broken foreign languages, they never really leave the facility besides a weekly trip to that big white building or an hour or so on the field across the street every day, they are always with at least one other person, and there is no flirting or romantic issues between these young people. That would be hilarious to see without understanding the context. By the way, this was my first district I taught at the MTC. How cute.

Speaking of which one of the Elders I taught at the MTC mixed up two words in Italian- "fuori" which means out and "fiori" which means flowers. He accidentally said that God sent Adam and Eve flowers from the Garden of Eden. That was really nice of God, wasn't it? Knowing that Adam and Eve had to face the world on their own and that they would miss the garden and all...

Mailmen

This is funny. I was up in Salt Lake the other day talking to my sister Kathy in our living room when she saw the mailman coming. She got excited and jumped up to get the mail but ended up waiting at the door, peering out the window to see if the mailman was still there. He was taking a little more time than usual so she slunk around the couch and waited for him to leave. She made sure he was at least a house away and then hurried and opened the door, grabbed the contents of the mailbox, and scurried inside. I've realized that we all do this to some extent. It's like we don't want any personal contact with the person who brings us the mail. It would be so strange for many of us to open the door and have him put it right in your hand. That's the whole reason we have a mailbox. It's like we feel guilty that we're too lazy to go pick up our own mail and so we don't want to even acknowledge the people that do these mundane tasks for us. Next time I see a mailman, I'm going to go give him a big hug and a sloppy kiss on his cheek to thank him for his dedication.

Ringed hands on doorknobs

It seems like everyone who has ever been married has the "hands with rings" picture. I can understand the reason behind that picture (it's one that tends to make me chortle a little) but what I really don't understand is the "hands with rings on the temple doorknob" picture. You all know exactly what I'm talking about. Why do they do that? Is that a new tradition I just haven't heard about? Newlyweds opening doors together soon after getting married? Is that a realistic picture? "Come here honey, lets walk in this building and open the door at the same time because now that we're married, we can finally do things like this." Maybe it is to symbolize the happy couple opening the door on their new life together or something like along those lines... I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Whatever the reason, it makes me laugh.

Cars

Everyone seems to think that cars are magical machines that separate you from the rest of the world. We all seem to act like no one can see inside. I have seen people doing some strange things in their cars (i.e. singing at the top of their lungs, talking to themselves, picking their nose, making strange faces) and don't seem to realize that they are only separated from the general public by a few windows... CLEAR windows. Confession: sometimes when I'm trying to make a decision I find it helpful to talk to myself. In order to not look crazy, sometimes I put in my cell phone earpiece and pretend I'm talking to someone else.

Bling...

I go to BYU with a bunch of Mormons. Sometimes we try to act like we aren't Mormons. I don't mean that we jeopardize our standards in any way but we try to do what normal college students do in a squeaky clean way. 

For example, last week, I went to a "bling" party. Everyone dressed up real gangsta', we listen to edited rap music with the lights dimmed and a fog machine going... we drank lemonade and crystal light from red plastic cups and ate oreos and danced. While I was there, I had a few people in the ward come up to me and talk to me about things having to do with my church calling and how to better serve a few that were having a hard time. Some girls in the corner were all talking about where to buy modest swimming suits while they fingered their fake bling and adjusted their mouth grills made out of tin foil. A few guys left early to go home teaching. Not the typical college party but we sure tried. 

A to Z about me. Sigh.

Mel tagged me. I didn't really know what that meant until recently... and by recently I mean today. I'm obviously rather new at this whole blogging thing. Ehhh, I'll humor you all I suppose. 

A-Attached or Single? Single... and content. 

B-Best Friends? My mom and dad... my sister Kathy... brothers Johnny and Danny. Cousin Molly. Bean Mel. German Erica. Italy friends.
England friends.

C-Cake or pie? Cake cake cake. No pie. Gross. I like the funfetti cake with the frosting with little candies in it. 


D-Day of choice? Tuesday. That's my free day. I also like Fridays. 


E-Essential Item? Access to the internet. I go crazy without access to the internet.
And mountains. I really need mountains in my life.

F-Favorite color? Blue


G-Gummy bears or worms? Worms so long as they are sour, bears so long as they come in gummi-vite form.


H-Home town? Holladizzleday, Utah


I-Ideal Vacation? If I could take my family's cabin and a select few of my favorite people and transport us all to the Tuscan hills in Italy during October (Why October you ask? No heat, mosquitoes, or tourists... in that order) then THAT would be an ideal vacation. 


J-January or July? January. Hands down. July is probably my least favorite month.

K-Kids? Someday.

L-Life isn't complete without: a fireplace, snow outside, a good book, a blanket, pajamas, slippers, and Stephens Amaretto Hot Chocolate

M-Marriage date? Actually I was thinking that it should be the other way... date then marriage. Personal preference I suppose. 

N-Number of Siblings? one sister, two brothers, one sister-in-law

O-Oranges or Apples? Apples. Oranges are far too much work.  

P-Phobias? Snakes. Can't handle them. Nothing else really gets to me. Bugs I can handle, spiders aren't any big deal, rodents don't phase me... but snakes... blech. 

Q-Quote? "Some cause happiness wherever they go... others whenever they go." -Oscar Wilde

R-Reasons to smile? Because life is amazing... and because my parents spent good money on braces. 

S-Season of choice? Fall!

T-Tag 3 people: Ummm... can I re-tag Mel? I'll tag Molly. And that's all. I refuse to conform.

U-Unknown facts about me? I'm miserable without people in my life, but that is widely known. Hmmm... I dislike the color pink. I love to tease people that I love. I love people who tease me back. I act tougher than I am. I hate going to bed more than just about anything- not because I hate sleeping but because I hate giving up my day. My mind comes alive at night. I can be extremely passionate about certain things. I don't like cheesecake. I have a strange addiction to fruit roll-ups and half-frozen Martinelli's sparkling cider. I don't like Halloween but love Christmas and therefore think the movie "Nightmare Before Christmas" should be destroyed. I love cold skim milk, I don't like contention. Enough?

V-Vegetable? Yes please.

W-Worst habit? Staying up too late.

X-Xray or Ultrasound? I've had both... I prefer the former by a landslide. This one is a cop out however. You really couldn't think of anything better for the letter X?

Y-Your favorite food? Good Italian Lasagna

Z-Zodiac sign: Capricorn- but let it be known I think it is all pretty much ridiculous. 

Are we done? Phew…