I'm feeling uber motivated, people.

This is why I don't bake....

Because I can't. Clearly. 

Last week's attempts. On the far right is attempt one- they were spongy and tasted like bubble wrap. In the middle is attempt two- they were soggy and tasted like soap. So I put it all into a pan to try to make attempt three- it was hard as a rock.

And here is today's attempt.

So NO. I cannot bake. Thanks for asking. 

(my) Sister Kathy Jones

It came. She opened it. (Look closely at the envelope to see what my dad wrote on the front. It was his final guess as to where she was going. Cove Fort- Visitors Center- Sr. Couple's cook. He was a little off. ) 

Ukraine Dnepropetrovsk mission, Russian speaking.

If you can pronounce that correctly, I'll give you one hundred dollars. I wish you could have heard how SHE pronounced it when she read it. It's too bad we Jones girls have such calm reactions to things. 

Never been the type to get really excited about anything. And she wasn't that surprised. I think she totally saw that one coming. Nope, not shocked at all. 

This one is my favorite. 

So she leaves June 3rd and will be at the Provo MTC for 3 months, which is great news for me because I can go and hang out with her while I'm working there full time. 

But seriously... the Ukraine?!?

We hoped they'd call her on a mission...

This little booger is going on a mission. 

In 19 hours and 14 minutes we'll know where she is going to spend a year and a half of her life. 

It helps to have a job at the MTC where we can check to see if calls have been issued even before they're sent out. Don't worry, like a good sister I didn't look where she was going, even though it was really tempting. I want that call to go from the Quorum of the Twelve right to her hands. She deserves to see it first. But she has a call, it is on the way, and she is really doing it. Updates tomorrow!! 

(My final guess: Cape Verde- a group of islands off the coast of Western Africa where they speak Portuguese. Let's see how far off I am!)

Time to come clean...

So if you didn't know this yet, a "game" has been taking over the facebook world. (Note: Facebook is getting old in general. It's starting to really bug me, as opposed to the slight annoyance I felt towards it initially.) The "rules" are that you have to write 25 random facts about yourself and then tag 25 friends and they then have to repeat the process tagging 25 of their own friends. I got slammed with request after request that I repeatedly ignored but I think it is time that I satiate the genral public who are screaming for 25 random facts about me. Please pay close attention because this will only happen once.

It's time to come clean, folks...

1- I am a remarkable human being, often seen leaping from rooftop to rooftop while making Spanish spinach soufflé.

2- I have been known to crochet circus tents out of banana leaves on my lunch breaks and then sell them on ebay for a small fortune.

3- On Tuesdays I volunteer as a translator for Somalian pirates.

4- I worked closely with Steven Spielberg on seven of his biggest films.

5- I haven't walked on the moon. I have, however, fenced, waltzed, run a half marathon, and army crawled on the moon.

6- I once reached the speed of 289 MPH on a toboggan in the great plains region of the United States without the help of any motor or animal.

7- I can watch the TV show 60 minutes in 8.3 minutes.

8- I am an expert in glass blowing, a successful matchmaker, and I know which came first between the chicken and the egg.

9- Using only a bobby pin and two strands of dental floss, I defeated 8 armed hijackers on a flight to Chicago and then, due to the fact that the pilot had passed out, landed the plane in an open field.

10- I was asked to dance the part of Clara in the Nutcracker with the New York City Ballet but turned it down because I had tickets to a jazz game.

11- I discovered a dark plot involving thirty thousand Furbies and their intention to take over the world. I was able to thwart said dark plot by going undercover and sneakily putting them all to sleep then taking out their batteries.

12- I had lunch with Santa Claus last week.

13- I am a world renown opera singer, architect, and fashion designer. I performed Mozart's Magic Flute Aria #14 in the Sydney Opera House (which I designed) wearing this dress (which I made by hand).

14- On weekends, I fly to Senegal to read to orphans.

15- I completely understand cold fusion.

16- I can take pictures without a camera and develop them using only a sink, some sugar, and a flashlight.

17- I know where Waldo is at all times.

18- My alter-ego is “anonymous”- I am responsible for all those quotes/ poems/ songs you’ve been reading all these years.

19- I once played both Romeo and Juliet in a production at the Globe Theater. Queen Elizabeth knighted me afterward.

20- As of yesterday, I have saved 302 small children from various burning buildings and have helped well over 230,000 old women cross streets.

21- I read “War and Peace” in 34 minutes and found 81 spelling errors.

22- Until recently I was battling with a young man named Ma’rib from Yemen for the “Most Accomplished Person in the World” title but have earned the honor and possess a plaque to prove it. They are also in the process of naming a country after me.

23- All of the Harry Potter spells work for me. Yes, ALL. (I didn’t say I use all of them…)

24- I am a superstar in most countries and have various action figures modeled after me, I was the one that voted Pluto out, I do not need to blink, I climbed Everest twice in one day, and in 2002 the Italians accidentally knocked over Michelangelo’s David (shattering the statue) so they flew me over to sculpt a replacement.

25- I have not yet, however, graduated from college.

(To read about someone else much like me and to see where I received my inspiration to become so amazing, go here: http://www.c4vct.com/kym/humor/collessy.html)

Hiking. Anyone? Anyone?

Now I've got to be honest about where my loyalties lie. I am strangely not the type to lament the arrival of colder weather. My California and Arizona friends marvel at my deep and true love for winter with it's shorter days and longer nights. I will always love the feeling of walking out into the crisp winter night and breathing deep, feeling that cold air fill every space in my lungs. I love the smell of frosty pine and I find snow absolutely enchanting the way it sparkles and spins as it falls in perfect white sheets, making everything look untouched as if I'm the first to see it. Things feel different in winter air. Winter looks, feels and smells like Christmas. Maybe it's because I'm a Christmas baby... I am fully converted to winter.

That being said, this morning while running I found myself getting excited for winter to end and summer to come. This may seem a little out of character for me to say, therefore allow me to explain myself. As the sun rose over snow-covered Y mountain, I remembered what it feels like to go hiking. I stopped my run and took a seat on the curb while gazing up at the rosy pinks, pale peaches and deep lavenders spread across the sky. No painting or photo can capture that kind of color- they exist only in the moment and then they're gone. Looking towards the mountains caused a flood of summer memories to come back. 

I spent many a morning in June exploring the woods up Provo canyon with roommates. My roommate Jessi and I would go hiking on Tuesdays because I had the day off work. I spent many an afternoon in mid-July floating down the freezing Provo river with friends.  We'd wave to the fishermen we passed and try to keep our inner tubes from catching on their hooks. I spent many August evenings sitting up in those mountains thinking about my life and what I wanted to do with it or reading a book about the life of someone else. This past summer was reminiscent of my glory days (age 8-12): building dams in rivers, climbing trees and rocks, and simply playing. Just as things feel different in winter air, everything is different up in mountain air. I think clearer, I breathe deeper, I see better, I feel easier. It sounds cheesy and like I'm quoting Backpacker Magazine or something but it's true. I was taught to love the mountains from the time I was a little girl and suddenly while sitting on the freezing cement curb, I remembered that. I remembered what the sun felt like on my back and how the air tasted like aspens. I remembered the great feeling of looking out over the valley and down to where a trailhead began and realizing that I conquered something. I remembered how much I love to hike. 

Four years ago I was a lot younger. At barely twenty, I hadn't yet had some important experiences that shape and define who I am today. I had just completed a class at BYU called Wilderness Writing in which we spent most of our time hiking, backpacking, and camping and then recording our experiences in personal essays. It was during a backpacking trip in southern utah with that class that I decided to go on a study abroad with the same professor. It was on that study abroad in the British Isles, backpacking several hundred miles across the Scottish and English countryside, that I decided to serve a mission. It was on a hike on P-Day in the Tuscan mountains while on my mission that I decided to become a teacher. And it was likely during  my first experience hiking that I decided that I liked it. I have made some of my best decisions in the mountains.

So this morning while watching the colors of the sunrise fade in to classic blues and the light begin to fill the valley, I'll admit that I began to wish winter away just a little. I've got some pretty big decisions to make in the next year and I need my mountains.

I want to go hiking. 

On another somewhat unrelated  note, this morning in my Race, Rhetoric and Identity Politics class we spent an hour discussing this question: Am I more an I or am I more a me? For the record, I am more of a me than an I. Sometimes I wish I had stuck with my initial psychology  major instead of switching to literature... 

Episode 2 of "The Bachelorette- Mel style"

Note: This post is a reply to a post my roommate Mel made on her blog.

Ehem.

Voice over guy: This season on the Bachelorette- Melissa Lynn Moorhead, the single BYU grad from Orange County...

Mel: No I'm not.

Voice over guy: Sorry... not what?

Mel: Not from Orange County. Don't tell them that. I'm from Mission Viejo.

Voice over guy: .... Ooookay... the single BYU grad from Mission Viejo *pauses and glances at Mel who nods her approval* it trying for love on this season of "The Bachelorette." Her roommate, Lizzie Jones, initially signed her up as a joke yet the studio executives thought that Melissa's unique situation would add an interesting twist. "I'm willing to take the risk," Melissa says. "My heart is completely open and I'm ready to find love."

Mel: I never said that.

Voice over guy: But it says here in my notes tha...

Mel: Your notes are wrong.

Voice over guy: *long pause* Last week Melissa was excited to meet 25 eligible bachelors taken from numerous applicants that all profess passionate and deep love for this woman they have never met.

Mel: *snort*

Voice over guy: *ignores Mel and continues* These incredibly attractive and self-absorbed men range in age from 21 to 46. Some are unsuccessful major league baseball players. Some are retired aftershave models. Some are skateboarding wannabes and some are drop-outs... but one thing is for sure... they are all complete imbeciles. Hey... wait... Melissa! I told you to stop revising the script.

Mel: *smiles while whispering to herself* But I'm so funny!

Voice over Guy: *sighs* We hope to see her standing at the final rose ceremony, having made her choice saying, 'I've found the man of my dreams and it's been so worth it." *eyes Melissa who rolls her eyes* Among the remaining nine men competing for Melissa's heart are Fernando Majesto, a 29-year-old Zorro impersonator from Mexico who says "When you woo a woman, you must woooo a wooooman" and Stephen, a car salesman from Pennsylvania who admits he's been on a lot of bad dates. "Women accuse me of being insincere, which is crazy because I'm completely the most... outsincere guy... always." Blaze, the owner of a night club in New York called "Ground Zero" says he's planning on winning Melissa over by lying to her to make himself sound exciting, while Miles from Des Moines claims he believes Melissa agrees with him that women should be seen and not heard... and that women should not vote. Butch, a former Detroit Tigers right-fielder, is "totally pumped to hit a home run with this chick" and plans to propose to her during a baseball game with a message on a blimp. "I already know we have a connection and have memorized her life via facebook stalking," reports an aspiring professional skateboarder named Willy. Gregorius, a one-time Mr. Illinois and ex-model, "can't wait" to have a "picture perfect relationship built on love and tickling"; Billy Rae, a 36-year-old pizza deliveryman wants to dispel the myth that men without their high school diploma are "dummyheads;"and Poindexter Eugene Ninnybottom reports he is very excited to "sit down and discuss which are Sister Moorhead's favorite scriptures. I already just adore that daughter of God and want to throw my arms above my head with glee for the possibility we have of an eternity of companionship study." Melissa's initial reactions to the men were not good, seeing as she immediately dismissed 16 of the 25 candidates and refused to speak with the remaining 9. Instead, she locked herself in the bathroom with a book.

Mel: It was the dictionary. I couldn't find anything else in that ridiculous mansion besides Poindexter's scriptures. But anything is better than them. *glares at the men waving at her through the window*

Voice over guy: When asked to present a first-impression rose to one of the men, she muttered through the door that she was keeping it for herself. She finally escaped out of the bathroom window and fled into the wilderness behind the New England mansion. However, since the first episode had the highest ratings of any reality season premiere in history, the network executives intervened and offered Melissa generous compensation for appearing and doing her best to cooperate. Let's go now to Chris Harrison, the host of the show.

Chris Harrison: Thanks everyone for agreeing to come back after last week's episode. *Mel ignores Gregorius, who is currently blowing her kisses* This week, Melissa will have the opportunity to go on a one-on-one date and a group date with the men of her choice.

Mel: Great. Julius from "Remember the Titans" for the one-on-one. For the group date, lets get Sayid Jarrah from LOST and...

Chris Harrison: Melissa, you're actually going to have to choose from the nine men here.

Mel: Blech, are you freaking kidding me?

Chris: *fiercely whispering to Mel* Do you want your New York penthouse 30th floor apartment filled with books or not?!?

Mel: *gritting her teeth* Fine. Let's get this one-on-one over with. Anyone here have a PhD?

Billy Rae: Is that like a HD TV? Cuz we ain't got none of them things on the farm... but we does gots a donkey! We was a'ridin' him all over theres yisterdee and a'hollerin' and a'shootin' and... sumthin'... *trails off when he see Mel's raise eyebrows* Ne're mine.

Mel: Masters degree? *silence- Mel shakes her head in despair* Bachelor's degree?

Butch: Hey, I'm a bachelor!

Mel: Zip it, Skippy. Anyone heard of college before?

Blaze: I invented college. And the internet. And I'm a spy.

Mel: Wow. Just wow.

Miles: I went DMCC for 9 years!

Mel: DMCC?

Miles: Des Moines Community College. My major was Men's Studies.

Mel: Ughh, you're that guy? The misogynistic one?

Miles: *looks confused and then smiles* Heck yeah I'm the miss ogernisty one!

Mel: No.. I already hate you. *Fernando grabs Mel's hands and tries to salsa dance with her- she beats him away with her shoe* Okay. Anyone know how to make a good muffin?

Poindexter: *squeals in delight* How did you know that was my best talent? Some might even call it a spiritual gift! During the coffee breaks at work... oh, pardon me! I mean the chocolate milk breaks at work I always whip out a basket filled with my fat-free sodium-free sugar-free muffins! In fact, I brought some along today! Oh how I love muffins with all my heart, might, mind, and strength! *giggles stupidly*

Mel: *stares at him in horror* I feel like I want to punch you. Never speak again.

Willy: I know you love muffins. I know you made them last Sunday. I watched you eat three of them.

Mel: *throws a vase at his head*

Stephen: Melissa Lynn, I just want to take this opportunity to read you a poem I wrote about your beauty and grace. From the moment I met you, I knew we were meant to be... and I wrote this for you so sincerelley. You are my fire... my one desire... believe when I say...

Mel: Oh sick. Were you the guy that tried Taylor Swift on me last time? I thought I kicked you off! What's your name again?

Stephen: Stephen, m'lady.

Mel: Oh gosh. *buries her head in her hands* Fine, last chance. Has anyone ever seen an episode of "Arrested Development" before?

Willy: I have! I watched all three seasons 13 times in preparation to come here because I know you like it. And I love you. And I want to meet your family. And you must give me a rose. And I won't let you kick me off. Come home with me. Come home with me. Come. Home. With. Me.

Mel: Whatever. You can come. And anyone who isn't an idiot may come on the group date.

*Billy Rae, Fernando Majesto, and Butch all moan and sit down*

Voice over guy: Coming up next on The Bachelorette- Melissa's one-on-one date doesn't go exactly as Willy had wanted when Melissa doesn't show up and goes to Disneyland by herself. The men on the group date find themselves at a library where Melissa tells them that whoever can actually read a book longer than fifty pages can stay. Emotions run high and most of the men end up crying hysterically. And in the most dramatic rose ceremony yet, Melissa insists on handing out weeds rather than roses and falls asleep in the middle of it.

Pretty Books

I was just thinking about this.

Libraries are so amazing. 

Every good library deserves a ladder.

Old and cool. 

This one is in Rome. 

This is the one that inspired my original vision-- the library from Beauty and the Beast. 

This one is in Wales. 

Books and globes. 

Love it. 

I know. 

Incredible. 

I love the wood in this one.  

Someday I'll have a really old cool map of Italy hanging on my library wall. 

 I feel a connection with this old man. 

Any library with a spiral staircase is amazing. 

And this is my favorite. 

I can't wait to have my own library. A circular library. 

Pam

Lately I've been feeling like Pam in season 3. 

Absolutely unacceptable.

I went to eat a package of shark fruit snacks today and this is what I found in the package.

This just shouldn't happen. I was so mad that I simply threw all of them away. You see, I feel the same way about fruit snacks as I do about skittles. Yellows and oranges are drudgery (only present in the package because of the whole opposition in all things rule) and you wade through them in order to get to the purples and reds. 

Mel suggested I write a strongly worded letter to the Shark people. I think I'll just start saving all of my yellows and oranges and for my revenge send the Shark people a huge package full of them. Muahahahaa.

Overly Conservative

This guy in my ward is the most conservative person I have ever met in my entire life and I think it is pretty funny. He's reasonably nice and a good conversationalist but we simply can't see eye to eye on some key issues. He was telling me one day that he didn't like that I wore my brown leather boots to church. I laughed and asked him what I should have worn. Very seriously, he responded "a modest heel." I asked him to enlighten me by telling me what girls should dress like. This is what he told me. Girls should:

1) Refrain from all boots besides snow boots that correspond with appropriately snowy weather. He said, and I quote, that "the only girls that wear tall leather boots are the kind of girls that hang out on corners". He despises those furry suede boots that are in fashion. In terms of church wear, he also hates overly high heels and sandals. Flats are acceptable, as are shoes with a modest heel.

2) Hair and makeup. Women's hair should be long. It shouldn't be dyed any color that looks unnatural. It should not be cut short and styled to look like the back of a duck or a flock of seagulls. Makeup should be light and shouldn't look like a girl was hit in face with a paintball gun. (He said something like that... made me laugh.)

3) Sunday skirts shouldn't be short and should be conservative. They shouldn't have funky designs. He likes dresses and long skirts. He hates the leggings with skirts or dresses over them look. 

4) He likes collared shirts that are nicely pressed. I remember him saying something about a nice blazers and sweaters too. 

Now I do agree with him on some of those points but it sounds like he wrote the missionary handbook. It blew my mind that a guy would be that opinionated about women's fashion. I was so appalled by his overly conservative tastes that I spoke with my roommates and we decided to play a joke on him. Molly, Mel, and I went home and found our most conservative clothing and got dressed. I'll admit that my red skirt is maybe a little too colorful for his tastes but it is long and made of heavy wool and matched the argyle sweater vest too perfectly. I parted my hair down the middle and tied it into a bun. Mel put on fake glasses. Molly wore pearls. I wore my young women medallion and my Italy Rome Mission pin and my CTR crest pin (I got it as a joke from my Mission President of all people) and an American Flag and Italian flag pin I had. All these pins were stuck on the collar of my shirt, which was buttoned to the very top button. I wore the ugliest shoes I had in my closet. Mel wore a horrible broach and a blazer and plain gray skirt she wore frequently on the mission. Molly wore all black with a collared shirt. 

We went to his house and knocked on the door. When he answered, we were singing in lovely harmony "As Sisters In Zion". He looked confused. I informed him that we had come for the Mrs. [insert his last name here] tryouts we had heard were being held that evening. He looked worried but let us in. We began pulling things out of the bags we brought. We all brought our scriptures in various languages. Molly brought a needlepoint design with a picture of Christ that read "If you could only see yourself the way I see you."  She also brought her flute to perform a nice medley of hymns for the talent portion. Mel brought the Ensign and the Family Proclamation and a cookbook. I brought my Preach my Gospel and my Preach My Gospel DVDs as well as my crocheting and a picture of the temple and my missionary planner. After Molly read the scriptures in Proverbs about a virtuous woman, we talked about how we could raise up the fruits of our loins in righteousness and truth. We called him "Brother" for the entirety of our visit. We posed for a quick picture and I pasted on the fakest smile I could muster (though I was the only one that did so and therefore look pained) and then we talked about the joys of being conservative. We were pretty good at not breaking character. He finally said "you've made your point, girls." We knew our work was done. He and his roommate offered us hot apple cider and we initially declined saying hot drink are not for the belly. 

I think we're really funny sometimes. 

Please love this as much as I do

Dave Barnes is actually one of my favorite musicians. He is brilliant on the guitar and his voice is incredible (look up his stuff on seeqpod.com or itunes... you won't regret it) but my friend Dane sent this to me and I watched it maybe 40 times, laughing hysterically. It's called "Dave Barnes Christmas Extravangan...... za" and it is genius. 

Hysterical. And that is his little daughter next to him.

Light

The Christmas season has snuck up on me and I am sad to say that I haven't really been able to enjoy it just yet as I am incredibly busy with school right now. But I did get up to see the lights this year and all of a sudden my finals and papers and stresses disappeared as I smiled in the light of the Christmas decorations surrounding the temple. So many lights. So beautiful. I love light... it reminds me of so many things. Light overpowers darkness... no matter what. Light trumps coldness... no matter what. Light dispels confusion... no matter what. Light overcomes disbelief... no matter what. Light triumphs over despair... no matter what. Light always triumphs in the end... no matter what. The Lord is referred to as the Light of the world. This is why. When He asks us to follow Him and let OUR light shine, this is what He is asking us to do. Every significant event in the spiritual history of the world is in some way connected to light. A burning bush, the feeling of fire, a marvelous understanding, 3 days of continual sunshine, a bright star... a pillar of light.

 I was in Florence one cold and stormy day sitting in the big Duomo (cathedral) in the middle of the city. The Duomo doesn't have lamps- light pours into the beautiful windows at the top of the church illuminating the room. But on days when the sky is dark and sun is gone, the cathedral is dark and freezing. I like to watch people (especially Italians because they are so expressive) and I watched as this young Italian couple entered the Duomo with their daughter. Once inside, this little girl instantly began squirming to get out of her dad's arms. He let her down and it was obvious that she had recently learned to walk. As soon as her little shoes hit the cold tile floor, her little legs took off. She was racing towards the middle of the Duomo, almost falling over herself she was running so fast. A few times she was a little unsteady on her feet and she fell once but got up and kept at it. I looked at what she was running towards. In the middle of the huge room, there was a huge table covered in tiny lit candles... she was running for the light. We are innately uncomfortable in darkness and drawn to light and this little girl was a perfect example of that. She ran. She fell but she kept running. And that, my friends, is what Christmas is all about. Recognizing the light (synonyms being hope, goodness, understanding, spirit, love, joy, life, charity, faith, and warmth) that Christ brings to the world and then doing all we can to attain it (run to it) and then share it with others.

Ammon put it pretty well. "Yea, they were encircled about with everlasting darkness and destruction; but behold, he has brought them into his everlasting light, yea, into everlasting salvation; and they are encircled about with the matchless bounty of his love; yea, and we have been instruments in his hands of doing this great and marvelous work."

This is only one of the reasons I love Christmas. 

Still gets me every time...

I can't sleep.

Watched this again and it made me tear up... again. Reminded me of when I wrote this. Two months later the feelings and emotions are still fresh. I think I miss Italy most during Christmastime. It's hard to express the love I have for my mission so that others understand. I got a letter today from one of my favorite Elders I've ever taught at the MTC and his Italian was absolutely flawless. He's been out for 5 months. Reminds me what a miracle a mission really is. I want to go back to visit Italy so badly. Amo gli italiani con tutto cio' che ho. Mi mancano tantissimo. Forza Italia!!

Sense.

Lets just talk for a minute about how much this made me laugh. Maybe it was because of a lack of sleep... maybe it was me being slightly doped up on cold medicine... or maybe it is because this is hysterical. Its people like the taker of this photo that make the world go round.