Don't stop believing...

A few weeks ago I got the best treat ever. My friend Joe called and said he was taking me to the Journey concert, my favorite band of all time. The concert was absolutely amazing and was pretty much life changing... mostly because I got to see Journey's new lead singer perform. Steve Perry left the band years ago and they haven't ever been able to find someone good enough to take his place. To make a long story short, they found Arnel Pineda from the Philippines, a poor singer performing covers of Journey's songs. Watch this youtube video for a truly amazing story. It really was one of the best days of my life. Highlight of the summer by far. I am forever in Joe's debt.

It don't matter if it's black or white...

I got a call a few days ago from one of my favorite members in Italy and I was talking to her about life and how things are going. After we hung up, I naturally became nostalgic and pulled out my mission journals and began to read and remember those experiences I had while wearing my black tag. I still have that tag on my shelf. It is pretty beat up and the metal clasp in the back is actually held together by thread. But I wore that same tag every single day of my mission. It was the only thing that was present for all of my experiences. 

That little black tag means a lot to me. "Sorella Jones- Chiesa di Gesu' Cristo dei Santi degli Ultimi Giorni." It gave me more hope and more peace during tough times than anything else. It gave me more courage and faith during scary times than anything else. It brought me more joy than I thought possible. It taught me more than I could have imagined. And it represents 18 months that changed the course of my life. When I got home, I had a hard time taking that tag off. 

I can't believe it's now been a year since I got home. I've had a lot of great things happen to me in this last year, but I have to say one of the greatest blessings from this last year was when I was hired as an Italian teacher at the MTC. The tag I wear every day isn't black... it's white. But it's still a tag. When I put it on, I am reminded that I still have a small influence over the missionary work in Italy. It means a lot to me. I was just thinking about that today as I looked at these pictures of the district of 14 missionaries that just left to go to Italy. They have black tags and I have a white one but when it all comes down to it, we are just a bunch of people with testimonies, a devotion to the gospel, and love for the people of Italy. Someday I'll take off the white tag, but that doesn't matter. I don't need a tag to continue to learn.  

I tried to teach these missionaries not to take their time with a black tag for granted. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like for me to be able to go back to Italy with a black tag even just for one day. It's be amazing... but missions end for a reason. Someday I'll wear a black tag again, but that won't be for a long time and I'll be in a very different circumstance. Sometimes it is just good to remind myself of how lucky I was that I had the opportunity to experience a mission... and how lucky I am now that my life is still so enriched by my mission. I wouldn't trade it for the world. It is the single best decision I have made up to this point in my life and I am so grateful that I had the privilege. It changed me forever. I miss Italy.  

Just some thoughts. 

This is like the best ev-ver!

You guys. I seriously cannot even possibly stress enough how much all you guys need to seriously go and read this blog. Rilly. It is like the best thing in internet history. Literally. I seriously heart it! I know what your thinking right now. Your thinking how could any blog be better than Lizzies blog? No way!  Well, YES way. Sometimes when I am having a bad day and not feeling super funny/ pretty/ skinny/ blessed, I go and I read it and I feel ten times better about my wardrobe/ life/ day. For reals. It enspires me to count my blessings and name them one by one and makes me super super excited to be married and have a house and go shopping for my house. TAMN and me are total kindrid spirits like in Anne of Green Gables and would totally be shopping girlfriends in reallife. OMG it is tonz of fun! I am totally ADDICTED to this blog and everything that it has to do with. I seriously have like cravings. ThNx PpL! Love you! 

Don't mess...

You don't mess with me. If you dish it, I'll dish it back. If you bring it, I'll bring it further. I think people underestimate me because I tend to be a fairly nice person in general... but when it comes to revenge, I am not a force to be reckoned with. The latest victim is a friend from my ward. He's been on my list for a few weeks now when we were involved in a water fight. He doused me a few times and I couldn't ever seem to get him back so I told him to watch his back. I was in the midst planning my revenge... however last night we were having a party at the bishop's house and he sped up the revenge planning considerably by deciding to throw me into the pool. I took it well, I laughed, climbed out of the pool, and sweetly told him he'd regret it. As I wrung out my sopping shirt, the wheels a-started turning. Needed to be unsuspected. Needed to be big. Needed to be cold. Needed to be soon.

We had already decided to go and do a hike the next morning (today) so I told him to come over around eight. I went home and began my battle plan. I searched the house for weapons. I found a squirt gun... not big enough. I had a bag of water balloons... but soon realized that though they are fun, the damage is minimal.  I considered the hose... but hoses can easily turn on you if the target has a stronger grip and I refused to allow that. The pool was clear down the street and I couldn't figure out a way to get him down there without his getting suspicious. A full bucket of ice cold water straight to the face was my only answer. But how??

My bedroom window looks out over our front yard and is somewhat close to the roof. I raced upstairs to see if my plan would work. After popping out the screen, I discussed my plan with my roommates, gave them their various assignments, and went to bed. 

The next morning, I put the preparations in order. Open window right above front lawn without screen? Check. Huge four gallon bucket of ice cold water? Check. Other smaller buckets standing by as reinforcements should the aim of the first bucket fail? Check check. Roommates in place? Check. Victim walking down the street? Checkmate. Showtime.

I got into position. One roommate welcomed him and his friend and told them that I was just getting some things together and would be out soon. The other roommate then took advantage of their nice-guy tendencies as she batted her eyes and told them a devastating tale involving a lost something-or-other in the bushes (conveniently planted below the open window where I hid, holding my breath) and the victim instantly went to work to help her find her trinket. It was too perfect. He stood 10 feet below me, his eyes downcast. So unsuspecting. So unprepared. In seconds, those eyes were wide, his mouth was sputtering, and his face had a look of confusion and shock. 

He had been annihilated. Extirpated. Nay.... liquidated. Soaked to the very core.

I hit my target on the first try. He didn't know what to think... one second he was dry as Death Valley and the next wet as the ocean blue. He looked around at those around him and saw that they were not only innocent but just as surprised as he was. His face slowly looked up at the window where I sat. I waved, a smug look on my face and said in the same sweet voice from the night before, "I told you you'd regret it!" He shook his head in disbelief as we all fell to the ground in a heap of hysterical laughter. I'm brilliant.

Don't mess. You have been warned. 

Things that make me laugh...

My cousin Molly once told me that she didn't like the name "Jeff" because "it's like... a hat." I have yet to find out what that means. 

This old man found out I served a mission in Rome Italy and he asked me if Latin was a hard language for me to learn. When I told him I learned Italian, he asked me when they switched it from Latin. I told him that it was just a few years back. 

Someone told me about a bumper sticker that said "Heck is for people who don't believe in gosh."

I shop at Smiths. I like using the self-checker-outer thing because I feel like it saves me time (it usually doesn't) and my favorite part is when the lady's voice comes on and asks you to scan your first item. As soon as I scan my fresh values card, I get this super enthusiastic "Welcome valued customer!!" She sounds like her life has just been completed. I like that.  

I like this joke. An agnostic dyslexic insomniac woke up in the middle of the night and wondered if there was a dog. 

I drive my car half a mile to go run 5 miles at the gym and then I get back in my car and drive home. And I get excited when I find a parking spot close to the entrance. 

I get in arguments with 8 year olds about the inner workings of Harry Potter. 

Molly and I do this high-pitched voice and sometimes we forget that we are in public amongst people who do not know us well. 

My clothes in my closet are organized by color and all face the same way... the rest of my room is pretty much in shambles.

I went hiking with a few guy friends a few weeks ago. We came across some spiders and they weren't afraid. We saw a snake and they didn't flinch. But one little bee made them run for their lives. 

Life makes me laugh...                                                           

MTC

I wonder what someone would think if they had no idea what the MTC was about and all they saw was this: a bunch of young kids between 19 and 22ish all dressed up in suits and ties or long skirts and conservative tops who are all up at the same early hour, all eat at the same time, all disappear for hours at a time during the day, and who are all in bed and quiet by 10:30. They never use their first names, they are often trying to speak to each other in broken foreign languages, they never really leave the facility besides a weekly trip to that big white building or an hour or so on the field across the street every day, they are always with at least one other person, and there is no flirting or romantic issues between these young people. That would be hilarious to see without understanding the context. By the way, this was my first district I taught at the MTC. How cute.

Speaking of which one of the Elders I taught at the MTC mixed up two words in Italian- "fuori" which means out and "fiori" which means flowers. He accidentally said that God sent Adam and Eve flowers from the Garden of Eden. That was really nice of God, wasn't it? Knowing that Adam and Eve had to face the world on their own and that they would miss the garden and all...

Mailmen

This is funny. I was up in Salt Lake the other day talking to my sister Kathy in our living room when she saw the mailman coming. She got excited and jumped up to get the mail but ended up waiting at the door, peering out the window to see if the mailman was still there. He was taking a little more time than usual so she slunk around the couch and waited for him to leave. She made sure he was at least a house away and then hurried and opened the door, grabbed the contents of the mailbox, and scurried inside. I've realized that we all do this to some extent. It's like we don't want any personal contact with the person who brings us the mail. It would be so strange for many of us to open the door and have him put it right in your hand. That's the whole reason we have a mailbox. It's like we feel guilty that we're too lazy to go pick up our own mail and so we don't want to even acknowledge the people that do these mundane tasks for us. Next time I see a mailman, I'm going to go give him a big hug and a sloppy kiss on his cheek to thank him for his dedication.

Ringed hands on doorknobs

It seems like everyone who has ever been married has the "hands with rings" picture. I can understand the reason behind that picture (it's one that tends to make me chortle a little) but what I really don't understand is the "hands with rings on the temple doorknob" picture. You all know exactly what I'm talking about. Why do they do that? Is that a new tradition I just haven't heard about? Newlyweds opening doors together soon after getting married? Is that a realistic picture? "Come here honey, lets walk in this building and open the door at the same time because now that we're married, we can finally do things like this." Maybe it is to symbolize the happy couple opening the door on their new life together or something like along those lines... I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Whatever the reason, it makes me laugh.

Cars

Everyone seems to think that cars are magical machines that separate you from the rest of the world. We all seem to act like no one can see inside. I have seen people doing some strange things in their cars (i.e. singing at the top of their lungs, talking to themselves, picking their nose, making strange faces) and don't seem to realize that they are only separated from the general public by a few windows... CLEAR windows. Confession: sometimes when I'm trying to make a decision I find it helpful to talk to myself. In order to not look crazy, sometimes I put in my cell phone earpiece and pretend I'm talking to someone else.

Bling...

I go to BYU with a bunch of Mormons. Sometimes we try to act like we aren't Mormons. I don't mean that we jeopardize our standards in any way but we try to do what normal college students do in a squeaky clean way. 

For example, last week, I went to a "bling" party. Everyone dressed up real gangsta', we listen to edited rap music with the lights dimmed and a fog machine going... we drank lemonade and crystal light from red plastic cups and ate oreos and danced. While I was there, I had a few people in the ward come up to me and talk to me about things having to do with my church calling and how to better serve a few that were having a hard time. Some girls in the corner were all talking about where to buy modest swimming suits while they fingered their fake bling and adjusted their mouth grills made out of tin foil. A few guys left early to go home teaching. Not the typical college party but we sure tried. 

A to Z about me. Sigh.

Mel tagged me. I didn't really know what that meant until recently... and by recently I mean today. I'm obviously rather new at this whole blogging thing. Ehhh, I'll humor you all I suppose. 

A-Attached or Single? Single... and content. 

B-Best Friends? My mom and dad... my sister Kathy... brothers Johnny and Danny. Cousin Molly. Bean Mel. German Erica. Italy friends.
England friends.

C-Cake or pie? Cake cake cake. No pie. Gross. I like the funfetti cake with the frosting with little candies in it. 


D-Day of choice? Tuesday. That's my free day. I also like Fridays. 


E-Essential Item? Access to the internet. I go crazy without access to the internet.
And mountains. I really need mountains in my life.

F-Favorite color? Blue


G-Gummy bears or worms? Worms so long as they are sour, bears so long as they come in gummi-vite form.


H-Home town? Holladizzleday, Utah


I-Ideal Vacation? If I could take my family's cabin and a select few of my favorite people and transport us all to the Tuscan hills in Italy during October (Why October you ask? No heat, mosquitoes, or tourists... in that order) then THAT would be an ideal vacation. 


J-January or July? January. Hands down. July is probably my least favorite month.

K-Kids? Someday.

L-Life isn't complete without: a fireplace, snow outside, a good book, a blanket, pajamas, slippers, and Stephens Amaretto Hot Chocolate

M-Marriage date? Actually I was thinking that it should be the other way... date then marriage. Personal preference I suppose. 

N-Number of Siblings? one sister, two brothers, one sister-in-law

O-Oranges or Apples? Apples. Oranges are far too much work.  

P-Phobias? Snakes. Can't handle them. Nothing else really gets to me. Bugs I can handle, spiders aren't any big deal, rodents don't phase me... but snakes... blech. 

Q-Quote? "Some cause happiness wherever they go... others whenever they go." -Oscar Wilde

R-Reasons to smile? Because life is amazing... and because my parents spent good money on braces. 

S-Season of choice? Fall!

T-Tag 3 people: Ummm... can I re-tag Mel? I'll tag Molly. And that's all. I refuse to conform.

U-Unknown facts about me? I'm miserable without people in my life, but that is widely known. Hmmm... I dislike the color pink. I love to tease people that I love. I love people who tease me back. I act tougher than I am. I hate going to bed more than just about anything- not because I hate sleeping but because I hate giving up my day. My mind comes alive at night. I can be extremely passionate about certain things. I don't like cheesecake. I have a strange addiction to fruit roll-ups and half-frozen Martinelli's sparkling cider. I don't like Halloween but love Christmas and therefore think the movie "Nightmare Before Christmas" should be destroyed. I love cold skim milk, I don't like contention. Enough?

V-Vegetable? Yes please.

W-Worst habit? Staying up too late.

X-Xray or Ultrasound? I've had both... I prefer the former by a landslide. This one is a cop out however. You really couldn't think of anything better for the letter X?

Y-Your favorite food? Good Italian Lasagna

Z-Zodiac sign: Capricorn- but let it be known I think it is all pretty much ridiculous. 

Are we done? Phew… 

Skittles

They're good. They're not my favorite candy but I'll admit that sometimes I'll buy them on a whim. But I was having a detailed conversation with my friend Joe today about how I eat my skittles and realized that I have very strong opinions about this certain candy. I have therefore decided to publish my feelings and make known to the world (i.e. the two or three of you that actually read my blog) exactly where I stand on skittle intake protocol. 

Some people eat them handfuls at a time, some combine flavors, some think that all Skittles are created equal... some people also think that they are Moses and have long arguments with trees. It's time to set the record straight.

Some important things to consider when deciding how to eat your skittles:

1)    While looking at the candy aisle through the skittle flavors, don’t get distracted. There are the three kings of skittledom and they are titled “Original” (red package), “Tropical” (blue package), and of course the clear favorite- “Wild Berry” (the purple package). You will never go wrong with Wild Berry. The creamy orange pouch  labeled “Smoothie” is there to confuse you, just ignore it. The Sour skittles are a different species all together and although good, should probably be considered according to different standards. For some reason the Skittles People thought it’d be a good idea to release a Chocolate flavor version of Skittles, and buying said package is likely one of the worst and most misguided decisions you could ever make. That is Skittles apostasy, my friends. Any choice that causes you to leave the store with Chocolate flavored skittles will only lead to pain and regret. I'm quite possibly the world's biggest chocolate fan (there is a young fat Swedish boy name Lars who is at the moment my competition) and chocolate skittles are not only a degradation to the Skittles name but entirely goes against everything good and wholesome about chocolate. Have I made myself clear? Go with your instinct. Get Wild Berry. Don’t be tricked by Original. It has an overly confident title. Okay... moving on...

2)    Once you have bought your purple package of pleasing petite pleasures (I am assuming you made the right choice) take it home and study the flavors. In my research I went out and bought yet another bag of Wild Berries and studied them again. This is what you have to work with:

Raspberry blue- sweet, tangy, tastes like raspberry jam. I love the raspberry aftertaste that lingers on the tounge. It tastes like “I’m really good and there is no denying it so eat another.”

Strawberry pink- subtle at first but the flavor kicks in towards the end. They taste much like a pink starburst. It’s like strawberry is saying, “You all peg me as the wussy flavor but I pack a sweet punch koolaid would be jealous of.”

Wild Cherry red- this is my least favorite of all the wild berries but it still would kick trash in the Original package so you’re still good. Remember when you were younger and you’d convince your mom you had a sore throat just so she’d give you some of those candy-like cherry cough drops? They taste like those. They remind me of getting a hot dog and a bag of skittles at the concession stand after my Saturday soccer games when I was five.

Berry Punch purple- if Skittles had personalities, this one would be the nicest of all of them, I’m sure of it. It reminds me of swimming at the pool down the street from my Aunt Joanie’s house. It reminds me of swinging in the backyard. It tastes like “Yep, I’m really good but I’m not going to attack your taste buds… I’m going to make you happy and leave you wanting another berry punch.”

and finally, Melon Berry green- simply delightful. I was skeptical at first thinking to myself “melons aren’t even close to being berries, let alone wild berries.” But the tart and tangy flavor soon makes your forget all about the oversight.

3)    You now need to decide how and in what order you are going to dispose of them. When I get stuck eating an Original package, I typically rid myself of the painful limes, move on and get the awful lemons and oranges out of the way, and then take my time with the grape and cherry. It is annoying to have to wade through over half the package until I get to the enjoyable part. (Note: I eat fruit snacks, Runts, and Trix cereal the same way.) With Wildberry, however, I enjoy each flavor so much that I typically count out how many I have in each color and quickly even it up. For example, if I have eleven strawberries and only seven berry punches, I’ve got to even the score. No playing favorites here, they’re all good. I then eat one color from each group at a time in a specific order.

4)    Finally it’s time to jump in and taste the rainbow! Do not under any circumstances mix flavors.  It’ll throw off your whole pallet and leave you regretful and sad. One skittle is packed with enough flavor, don’t get too excited. Take your time, drag out the enjoyable experience. Sucking on them until the disintegrate takes enormous self control but is worth it. Remember that deformed skittles taste better- trust me on this one. 

Any questions?

Europe vs Italy - Funny Animation by Bruno Bozzetto

Ain't it the truth??

I saw the sign...

While I was looking for a picture to put with my last post, I came across a bunch of hilarious warning signs that, in my opinion, fail to really help the general public understand of what exactly they are supposed to be warned. I have therefore, in my plight to educate all of humanity, come up with my own logical explanations. They are as follows:

Warning: this is a no "talk to the hand" zone. Be advised.

Caution: arrows bounce. (This was one actually having to do with imminent death or something of that nature.) 

Warning: Pirate Treasure zone. 

Caution: extremely bad hair day zone.

Warning: Do not try to use head to open door. (For this one, tilt your head to the side for the full effect.) 

Please keep dogs from sitting on small fires. (This one just makes me laugh. They are all over England and say "No fouling" on them to try to encourage people to use a pooper scooper.) 

Notice: In case of fire, walk casually down stairs.

Notice: waving encouraged.

Warning: boy scout's honor and smoking should not be mixed.

Beware of angry bulls.

Be advised: Don't be afraid of anything. Nothing will ever go wrong here.

Water skiier crossing. (Imagine this on a freeway.)

No confusing dreams allowed. 

We offer service to both the legless and the armless.

No piercings. (This one had to do with the hearing impaired... don't you think this is just a little grotesque?)

So I really don't have a clever one for this one. It just made me laugh so hard because it has something to do with how there isn't much headroom. 

Showering encouraged. 

No forks or knives allowed: spoons only. 

Caution: Ex-boyfriends near.

Warning: Snake pit.

And finally... my favorite...

Warning: no racism allowed.

Hah!

My Difficulties in the Dark

Last night I woke up at about 2 in the morning really needing a drink of water. I was extremely disoriented and groggy (more so than usual because the night before I had only gotten a few hours of sleep) and mostly due to my recent move, I couldn’t remember where the door to my bedroom was. It was pitch black and I couldn’t see anything so I began crawling around the room with my hands flailing in front of me. I somehow ended up in my closet surrounded by clothes and I hit my knee hard on my dresser. Realizing that I likely wasn’t going to find the door in the closet, I tried to feel my way back to my desk to retrieve my cell phone, which I planned to use as a flashlight. My hands clasped around something small and metal… alas… it was an altoids case. My hands found my computer mouse and IPod and a host of other things, but no cell phone. At this point, I tripped over my speakers and hit the ground hard. I was getting frustrated and dramatic thoughts began creeping in my mind. You’re never going to find the door, Lizzie. You’ll be stuck in here without any water and you’ll get dehydrated and have to go to the hospital and you’ll miss work tomorrow… I shook my head firmly, determined to find the door so I began feeling my way along the wall. I got to Molly’s side of the room (where she slept soundly, despite my tripping all over things and moaning) and found her cell phone. I opened it up and saw the door only feet away (which was logical considering our room is only about 6 square feet anyway) and triumphantly pulled the door open and started for the kitchen. Then I fell down the stairs.

When I woke up in the morning, my knee was bruised, my toe was bleeding, and I saw a big cup full of water right by my bed. Waa waaaaa. It would have been really funny if Molly was sitting in her bed with night vision goggles watching the whole thing though.